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“is neo-classical art dead?” when the more pertinent question is “How much does it cost to be the subject of neo-classical art?” The answer is: $150,000 and up. James Childs, a 59-year-old neo-(neo?)-classicist painter has been painting grand portraits of powerful corporate executives, their wives, and other socialites for years. He dresses them up in taffeta, diamonds, and whatever fancy things he can scrounge together (or have them take out of their private vaults) and makes them look as beautiful as the ancient gods. Or something. It’s almost too weird to be true, but then again, when you’re Mr. Pillsbury, how else are you going to spend all those cinnamon bun profits? And in the case of Kip Forbes, what other opportunity would you have to dress up in prissy tights and a kilt, have someone paint you with your legs crossed in a very questionable fashion and have it celebrated as something other than tasteless faggotry? I’ll bet he had a boner for all six days he was being painted. Good thing he was wearing that kilt.

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