!! SURVIVOR UPDATE !!

warning: tonight i will betray my embarassing passion for SURVIVOR. so far this year i’ve managed to maintain some emotional distance, but tonight’s episode took me back to the days of JERRI MANTHEY VS. TINA WESSON and COLLEEN VS. SUE VS. KELLY VS. RICHARD. i am a real nerd about this, the way some people are about Star Trek. if i could go to a survivor convention dressed like a Alicia of Survivor: Australia, I would do it. although i’m not a black lady, i enjoy saying, “I will always wave my finger in your face!”
many people were probably sad to see rupert go tonight but not me. i can tell you for sure that if i was still a troubled teen, he would not be the mentor for me. his constant


vamping for the camera and abusive daddy routine (“i love you baby, i’ll never hit you again!”) were bad enough, but it was really rupert’s sense of entitlement that annoyed me. he seemed to be laboring under the impression that he deserved to win just because he was picked on in high school for being fat. but what about Christa, who was picked on in high school for being a throaty-voiced meth slut? or jon, who was picked on for being an odious human being? or burton, who was picked on for his mysteriously unnatural chest hair pattern?
Rupert’s goodbye speech made it obvious why he was undeserving… “thanks for ruining my dreams,” he said to the people who voted him out, not bothering to consider the fact that each of them could probably use a million dollars themselves. furthermore, he went so far as to blame his ejection on FAT PHOBIA. sorry porkchop, you may be good at fishing, but you suck at survivor.
sandra and christa were blindsided by rupert’s boot, but they are in a better position than they seem to realize. if they are smart, they will be able to convince darrah and tijuana that the next step is to ditch burton and company. i’d still love to see sandra win everything, and i still think it’s strategically possible, but i’m afraid she’s going to be too busy freaking out to take advantage of the situation. i’ve still got my fingers crossed, though.
finally, i’d like to say that if lillian makes it to the final two, as is rumored, she’s officially the least deserving finalist in survivor history. even kim johnson, that odious, limping hag from Survivor: Africa seemed to have a tiny bit of sense, not to mention a nicer pair of underpants. i feel bad for lil’s young scouts… what kind of troop leader doesn’t know how to fish OR shoot blow darts?
i’m still very worked up after this episode. i could keep going for a lot longer, but i’m going to choose to restrain myself. next week looks exciting too though…
xoxox
survivor correspondent bmad

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1 Comment on "SURVIVOR UPDATE"

  1. I wanted to clarify that I did actually vote for Rupert because he is fat. It makes me uncomfortable to have someone so overweight in my tribe. It’s so unhealthy, and besides, fat people smell. Love, Burton

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