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!! Since I’m copping out !!

of a gay meeting tonight to paint my apartment some more, I’m going to post this informative article for all of you. It’s like I’m doing my civil duty without actually doing it, allowing my Internet-induced apathy to make me feel satisfied instead of unfulfilled. The paintjob is going to look so good.
I know a lot of people have been wondering: why aren’t civil unions good enough for gay people? Why do they have to get married? What’s the difference? Why don’t the gays just move to Vermont and shut up about it? Read and understand.
And a piece of breaking news: Americans are now not only fatter than everyone else in the world, but we’re so fat it’s killing us! Obesity is going to surpass smoking as the number one cause of preventable death in the US, and still no one believes my federal subsidies to corn farmers=corn surplus=excessive high fructose corn syrup in everything=lots of fat people theory. It’s so depressing it makes me want a nice, big McDonald’s chicken Caesar salad with extra dressing.

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