Over the weekend I spent my very first Christmas in Canada, and had a lovely time. There was even snow on the ground and it had more in common with Vermont, where I grew up, than with anywhere else I’ve lived in my adult life. Toronto has been treating me well, but every time I think I’m growing accustomed to living in this foreign place, I am then reminded how strange things can be here.
Take, for example, the very fun activity of karaoke. I have always enjoyed going out and performing ballads such as “Foolish Beat” by Debbie Gibson, singing to a screen, and hopefully entertaining the Chinese ladies behind the bar. Singing is in fact one of my VERY favorite pastimes, which is why I found La Fureur especially alarming. It is a Quebecois television (game?)show that is hosted by a toothy-smiled, feathery-haired man named Sebastien Benoit (pictured above) who mediates a contest between a team of four boys (les gars) and one of four girls (les filles). As far as I could tell, my French being pretty terrible, the teams sing pop songs in French all together and whichever one does a better jobs wins something. However, it’s hard to hear them because the audience is caterwauling along with the teams, making it impossible to objectively decide a winner. The episode I watched was the Christmas one, which could have been good if they had sung my favorite Christmas song, but I don’t think they could figure out to translate “Feliz Navidad” into French.
If you think the show as described so far turns the very concept of karaoke on its head, wait until the commercial break ends and you are greeted with Celine Dion’s sister (pictured above with Celine and below in zebra print) and the rest of La Famille Dion performing traditional Quebecois folk songs! Like Baby Sister, they also perform at casinos.
I was so thoroughly horrified by the entire spectacle of La Fureur that I decided to watch softcore porn instead, which incidentally is not so soft here in the North country where the FCC cannot reach its prudish tentacles.
In summary, Canadian softcore porn is better than its American counterpart because there is more penis. However, Canadian karaoke is so frightening that it should never be mentioned. Ever. This is the last time.
Just for fun, check out a gratuitous silly photo of young Celine Dion after the jump. I know she’s an easy target, but I thought you would enjoy her perm.
(Photos courtesy of Celinesmusic.com)