Okay, do we have to talk about this David Letterman thing? Okay, I guess we do? I really don’t want to because Mr. Letterman is like an imaginary father to me. For those of you too busy searching the internet for screencaps of nude Big Brother contestants to keep up on your current events, here’s the basic rundown:
- David Letterman is a hopeless lothario who sleeps with all his female staffers.
- Everyone knows this and always basically has. (See: Merill Markoe)
- Recently, a 48 hours employee named Robert J. Halderman tried to use this information to blackmail Letterman for $2 Million, which he demanded be delivered to him in the form of a giant novelty check.
- Dave went to the cops, wrote Mr. Halderman a fake check, and got him busted.
- Now Letterman has to publicly admit that he sleeps with all his female staffers even though he has a kid with his girlfriend of something like 25 years.
You do not try to blackmail David Letterman, fool! He’s from Indiana! Still, this basically sucks because even though all late-night talk shows are zzzz’s as hell, I still consider David Letterman to be the last decent man on television. Because I’d rather not think about this unpleasantness– just put it out of your mind!– here’s a video of him and Amy Sedaris in happier times. (I wonder if he slept with her? Noooooooo!)