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!! OMG, He’s Selling His Seed: Vincent Gallo !!

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Are you looking to have a totally sexy/hung but also weird and offensive child but can’t find the appropriate babydaddy to sire it? Are you a millionaire Nazi? Well great news for you cause Vincent Gallo is looking to sell his famous (why is he famous again?) spermies for the low reasonable price of One Million US Dollar Bills! Start cracking those piggy banks, ladies!
Of course, because it’s Vincent Gallo, the impregnation doesn’t come without stipulations!!

Mr. Gallo maintains the right to refuse sale of his sperm to those of extremely dark complexions. Though a fan of Franco Harris, Derek Jeter, Lenny Kravitz and Lena Horne, Mr. Gallo does not want to be part of that type of integration. In fact, for the next 30 days, he is offering a $50,000 discount to any potential female purchaser who can prove she has naturally blonde hair and blue eyes. Anyone who can prove a direct family link to any of the German soldiers of the mid-century will also receive this discount. Under the laws of the Jewish faith, a Jewish mother would qualify a baby to be deemed a member of the Jewish religion. This would be added incentive for Mr. Gallo to sell his sperm to a Jew mother, his reasoning being with the slim chance that his child moved into the profession of motion picture acting or became a musical performer, this connection to the Jewish faith would guarantee his offspring a better chance at good reviews and maybe even a prize at the Sundance Film Festival or an Oscar. To be clear, the purchase of Mr. Gallo’s sperm does not include the use of the name Gallo. The purchaser must find another surname for the child.

In addition, Mr. Gallo assures potential buyers that the baby will probably have a big dick.

If you have seen The Brown Bunny, you know the potential size of the genitals if it’s a boy. (8 inches if he’s like his father.) I don’t know exactly how a well hung father can enhance the physical makeup of a female baby, but it can’t hurt.

Interested rich Nazis should hop on down to Vincent Gallo’s website. Also for sale: a romantic night with the star. (Ladies only!!!)
Vincent Gallo Merchandise

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comments

    Assuming that thing (penis) was real in the film I think that 8 inches is a bit of an exaggeration (unless he’s 7 feet tall!). The real problem here is that the kid could grow up to look like Vincent Gallo.

    Old news. This ad has been up for at least five years.

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