Millionaires guard your precious $$! Duane Reade guard your nylon clip-on hair extensions! Mothers guard your whore-babies!
I could go on, but I’m too busy trying find my headshot– because Patti Stanger is leaving La La Land and heading here to New York City to shoot season four of her hit shit-show, The Millionaire Matchmaker.
Known for her bargain-basement “casting calls” and special-means-retarded aphorisms, Patti Stanger’s business plan revolves around supplying rich idiots with gold-digging hookers. While that’s certainly a model that will work well in NYC (someone please sign me up!) it remains to be seen whether Patti wither up and die once she leaves the toxic, Juicy Couture-scented bubble that surround Los Angeles and gives her sustenance.
Well, who am I kidding? I might make fun of Patti and her “clients,” but we all know I’m already flat-ironing and highlighting my hair and practicing my stripaerobics in preparation for her arrival. The search for my rich husband is on! Patti, can you help?