When Kylie Minogue did things a bit differently on her last album X, fans became distraught and confused. Three years later the Aussie singer is playing it safe with “All The Lovers”, a big summer single that heralds her return to banal, lightweight, don’t-f*ck-with-the-formula pop music. People tell me it sounds ‘gay’, but I have a sinking sensation that what they really mean is ‘vanilla’. Either way that photo of Kylie ascending Christ-like toward the heavens is utterly ridiculous. Pass this one to the left.