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!! OMG, How Perplexing: Question of the Month !!

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You guys, I’ve had this question for at least a couple of weeks but I’ve been too embarrassed to ask it: who the f*ck are Jake and Vienna?
(Explain it to me in cigarettes if you have to.)

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    So there’s this really hot guy, Jake, who really wants a cigarette, but can’t find a store that has the kind of cigarettes he wants.
    He hears about this reality show, where you can choose from many different varieties of cigarettes, and get famous while doing it. Fame whore that he is, he signs up for said Reality show.
    He then proceeds to drag out the selection of the cigarette he wants over the course of weeks. Along the way, several of the cigarettes decide they want to smoke HIM, and he lets them, but ultimately throws them in the trash.
    He finds the perfect cigarette in the Vienna brand, because that brand is also a fame whore. He doesnt like the way Vienna tastes, but ultimately smoking that brand of cigarettes will get him more famous, so he chooses Vienna.
    He then leaves the cameras behind and refuses to smoke her, and she believes thats because he is smoking the Marlboro Man. He ignores her, and uses his newfound fame to go on a different reality show, Dancing with Cigars. During his time on Dancing with Cigars, he ignores the Vienna brand in private, but never passes up an opportunity to show the cameras how much he loves smoking Vienna.
    Eventually, Vienna realizes that HE is getting all the attention, and she is getting nothing out of it, so she decides to dump him, and immediately tells the Gossip Rags all the dirty details about how he never smokes her, and how evil he was, and basically calls the kettle black by saying he was just in it for the fame….by doing a very public television interview with him. Because “hot guy” relishes the camera, he agrees to the interview, but dumb guy that he is, he doesnt realize how much of a douchebag he actually is, and the cameras finally catch the real him.
    She feels vindicated, and at this point, we can only expect the Jake brand to falter, and the Vienna brand to skyrocket out of pity, ultimately giving her the 100% fame and spotlight she was looking for in the first place.
    Summary: They are both idiots, and hopefully it takes about “15 minutes of fame” until we can butt these bitches out and never see them again.

    It’s the latest Bachelor (ex-(current)gay) and his dumb twat.

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