Bing bong bong bing wing wong bong! No, it’s not Chinese, you racist: it’s Tongues, the official language of Mr. Jesus Christ himself. And while most godless Hollywood types are more acquainted with a tongue up the butt than the ancient tongue of The Holy Spirit, untouched flower/God Warrior Katy “I Kissed a Girl” Perry reveals in a recent interview that she knows Jesus’s secret language.
“Speaking in tongues is as normal to me as ‘Pass the salt.’ It’s a secret, direct prayer language to God.”
Unfortunately, I’ve gone my entire life thinking God spoke Pig Latin! No wonder I still haven’t been blessed with the Orsche-pay Arrera-cay I’ve been praying for all these years.