I’m crying into my lasagna right now at the shocking news that MTV’s Jersey Shore is not a serious documentary! A “producer” on the hit show tells blogger/serial press release sender Zack Taylor that everything that goes on on the show is completely staged by the production staff.
Apparently the cast of the show is so terminally f*cking stupid and boring that they need a director to instruct them to get drunk, lie around in the hot tub, bicker with each other, pick up fug sluts at the club, and drop their Chicken Parm on the floor. Because in case you haven’t noticed, absolutely nothing else ever happens on this program.
Dear meddlesome producers, if you’re going to stage a reality show, could you please stage something interesting? For instance, perhaps Snooki gains the ability to freeze time when she holds her fingers together? Maybe The Situation decides to cook bread one day but he puts too much yeast in the oven and the dough takes over the house? Or it turns out that JWoww is actually a robot?
The possibilities are endless! Let’s see some real fake drama please!