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!! OMG, David Beckham Victimized in Italy !!

Those wacky Italians– always running around acting like they’re starring in their own private Fellini movies! The Telegraph brings us the disturbing news that Soccer Spice David Beckham was recently assaulted in Milan by a decidedly un-Posh TV reporter:

Beckham “The stunt was a ‘test’ to see whether the football star measured up to his photo in Armani billboards, in which he shows off his impressive physique in a pair of tight-fitting underpants. He has since been replaced in the Armani campaign by Portuguese soccer star Cristiano Ronaldo. Beckham looked shocked and immediately backed away after being touched by the blonde-haired TV reporter, a star of the satirical show Le Iene (The Hyenas). As security guards closed ranks around the 34-year-old midfielder, Miss Di Cioccio was chased down the street yelling ‘E piccolo, Beckham’ (‘Beckham is small’), while being filmed by the show’s cameraman. Beckham climbed into a black car but she ran around to the driver’s seat in which he was sitting, shouting: ‘You’ve taken us for a ride! How could you? David!'”

Before you yell at me in the comments, let me express my sincere outrage at this disgusting incident. As Tammy Akbar would say: IT WASN’T NOT FUNNY.
[The Telegraph via Towleroad]

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!! OMG, John Mayer reveals the secret of life !!

The quote of the month comes from John Mayer in Rolling Stone:

“I am the new generation of masturbator. I’ve seen it all. Before I make coffee, I’ve seen more butt holes than a proctologist does in a week… I have masturbated myself out of serious problems in my life. The phone doesn’t pick up because I’m masturbating. And I have excused myself at the oddest times so as to not make mistakes. If Tiger Woods only knew when to jerk off. It has a true market value, like gold bullion. [It’s] because I want to take a brain bath. It’s like a hot whirlpool for my brain, in a brain space that is 100 percent agreeable with itself.”

(Via WOW Report)

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!! OMG, How do I know if he’s really gay? !!

You know how you have those snooty know-it-all friends who live in New York and Los Angeles and they’re always going on and on about how every celebrity is gay and they know for sure because they have some friend who went home with him once? I know, I know! I am one of those people, and I’m still sick of it. (I know this guy who… oh, never mind.)
With all the gossip flying around, how’s a guy to know if George Clooney might accept your marriage proposal? Unless we accept the (maybe not-so-implausible?) premise that every male celebrity is at least a little freaky-deaky, it can be difficult to unravel the complicated web of gay rumors that follow basically every actor ever to grace even the teensiest screen. Luckily, Gawker has a handy guide to cutting right to the chase. While I might quibble with a few of their guidelines, it’s basically totally right on. No spoilers here, though– if you’re desperate for a semi-failproof litmus test for knowing whether “certain scientologists” are total homos, you’ll have to click over to Gawker.

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!! OMG, She’s turning into a cartoon baby: Britney Spears !!

It’s obviously nothing new for pop stars to speak with fake-o British accents. Madonna’s been doing it for years, and it’s surely just a matter of time before Lady Gaga starts talking like Camilla Parker-Bowles. But how many singing sensations pattern their anglophilic affectation after British cartoon babies!? Correct me if I’m wrong, but I count just one: Miss Britney Spears herself!

The 28-year-old singer has become obsessed with animated US TV show ‘Family Guy’ and has reportedly been wandering around Los Angeles’ Mondrian Hotel mimicking the voice of troublesome baby Stewie, whose English accent is voiced by show creator Seth MacFarlane.

A source said: “Britney has developed a real fascination for ‘Family Guy’. She’s been staying in the hotel’s penthouse suite and has been watching box sets.”

Britney has been addressing hotel staff in the voice much to their amusement.

The source to The Sun newspaper: “She really likes Stewie and has been trying to copy his British accent. It’s a bit weird, especially when she’s in the gym speaking like a camp Brit.”

This is not the first time Britney has spoken in a British accent.

(Contact Music via Videogum)

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!! OMG, she’s on the pole: Martha Stewart !!

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If you’re like me and don’t have a real job, I hope you’re as obsessed with the Martha Stewart show as I am. Ever since this lady got out of the big house she has been absolutely on fire! Whether she’s doing yoga with Mrs. Sting Trudie Styler, having an on air mother-daughter tiff with her bitchy spawn Alexis or interviewing weird bloggers, Martha always comes to the table with a f*ck-it joie de vivre that is truly inspiring in its craziness. Today, she pole dances with Sheila Kelley, the S Factor workout queen. Although Martha begs Ms. Kelley to let her do “the upside-down things,” the routine sadly doesn’t quite make it there. It’s still the best thing I’ve seen since Hoda and Kathie Lee this morning though!
Since I can’t find an embeddable version of the video, click over to Jezebel to watch Martha in action.

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