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!! OMG, He’s Selling His Seed: Vincent Gallo !!

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Are you looking to have a totally sexy/hung but also weird and offensive child but can’t find the appropriate babydaddy to sire it? Are you a millionaire Nazi? Well great news for you cause Vincent Gallo is looking to sell his famous (why is he famous again?) spermies for the low reasonable price of One Million US Dollar Bills! Start cracking those piggy banks, ladies!
Of course, because it’s Vincent Gallo, the impregnation doesn’t come without stipulations!!

Mr. Gallo maintains the right to refuse sale of his sperm to those of extremely dark complexions. Though a fan of Franco Harris, Derek Jeter, Lenny Kravitz and Lena Horne, Mr. Gallo does not want to be part of that type of integration. In fact, for the next 30 days, he is offering a $50,000 discount to any potential female purchaser who can prove she has naturally blonde hair and blue eyes. Anyone who can prove a direct family link to any of the German soldiers of the mid-century will also receive this discount. Under the laws of the Jewish faith, a Jewish mother would qualify a baby to be deemed a member of the Jewish religion. This would be added incentive for Mr. Gallo to sell his sperm to a Jew mother, his reasoning being with the slim chance that his child moved into the profession of motion picture acting or became a musical performer, this connection to the Jewish faith would guarantee his offspring a better chance at good reviews and maybe even a prize at the Sundance Film Festival or an Oscar. To be clear, the purchase of Mr. Gallo’s sperm does not include the use of the name Gallo. The purchaser must find another surname for the child.

In addition, Mr. Gallo assures potential buyers that the baby will probably have a big dick.

If you have seen The Brown Bunny, you know the potential size of the genitals if it’s a boy. (8 inches if he’s like his father.) I don’t know exactly how a well hung father can enhance the physical makeup of a female baby, but it can’t hurt.

Interested rich Nazis should hop on down to Vincent Gallo’s website. Also for sale: a romantic night with the star. (Ladies only!!!)
Vincent Gallo Merchandise

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!! OMG gossip: The Taylors are no more !!

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OMG Taylor Swift has dumped Taylor Lautner and his abs [dlisted]
OMG the Tyra show is cancelled! [l.a. rag mag]
Girls Gone Wild mastermind Joe Francis is suing Gawker for calling him a rapist [socialite life]
And Demi Moore is suing Boing Boing for saying her hip was less skins than the W Magazine cover suggested [boing boing]
Karl Rove is respecting the sanctity of marriage by divorcing his wife [towleroad]
OMG when will the sex be put back into sex tapes? [popeater]
Jude Law gets his hair plugs wet at the beach with Sienna Miller [popbytes]
OMG who peed on Kim Kardashian? [yeeeah]
Who is more orange: Lindsay Lohan or her mom? [agent bedhead]
OMG Hulk Hogan: Look at me!! [uncoached]
Tennis star Robby Ginepri attends his sister’s birthday party [kenneth]
OMG Jonas Brother wedding photos! [betty]
Behind the scenes of the Dolce & Gabbana menswear campaign = models frolicking in small underwear [oh la la]
OMG top 25 pop songs of 2009 mash-up! [tabloid prodigy]

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!! OMG, Best Prize Ever !!

Yesterday we announced our holiday pet picture contest, and guess what? The entries are already pouring in. I could totally announce a winner today because some of the pictures I’ve gotten so far have been the total cutest ever. OMG Readers may be persnickety in your commenting, but you have really great animals.
Although I announced the contest with no particular prize in mind– I was thinking maybe we had an extra DVD set lying around or something– it turns out that Santa had on last trick up his sleeve this year. What could it be? The answer is after the jump, but here’s a clue: THE EYES HAVE IT!
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Well whose eyes could those be?

[[ OMG, there’s more: JUMP IN to read the rest ]]

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!! OMG, What a Quitter: Tyra Banks !!


Tyra Mail, everybody: The Lady Banks is QUITTING her talk show! But now how will we know what it’s like to be fat? How will know what it’s like to be homeless?
Considering Tyra Banks’s well-known feelings about quitters (above!) I would normally call her a hypocrite. But of course that’s impossible– because everyone knows that Ms. Tyra is perfect in every way.
(People)

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