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!! OMG, some unsigned talent: Canelo the howler monkey is the golden voice of Death Metal !!

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Canelo the howler monkey is putting all the Death Metal singers out there to shame. You’re welcome record labels!
His soothing song can travel for up to 3 miles through dense forest, and doesn’t even need a touch of autotune. (No wonder he gets all the ladies!) Someone find him a recording contract, STAT. Maybe he and that spitting sass of an Ibex can make beautiful music together!
Hear him for yourself, after the jump!

[[ OMG, there’s more: JUMP IN to read the rest ]]

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!! OMG, hairballs and hedonism: Turn your kittie into a superstar DJ with the ‘Cat DJ Scratching Deck’ !!

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We all have big dreams for our cats and their true potential. We know that they’re way smarter than the average kitty, and they’re capable of much more.
This is why I need to get my cat on that EDM train, and start pushing him so he can make me some Tiesto size cash. Well, Suck UK is here to help make that happen fast with their Cat DJ Scratching Deck, available over at their Amazon shop! Sold. If your kitty became a DJ, what type of music would they play? Drum N Bass? Trap? Psy-Trance?

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!! OMG, who’s got $30,000 for bail?: I present to you the hottest grave robber there ever was !!

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I’m not even gonna post the picture of the other guy, because… well, this isn’t about him. This is about 29 year old David Ryan from Kendall County, who was arrested this week at Rosehill Cemetery in Chicago for stealing brass vases from the graves, ya’ll!
David was caught by police at the cemetery with a bunch of tools on his person (!), and he and his friend (who’s not as blessed in the hot department), are both linked to a series of other grave robbings in their county. David also didn’t come easy. He resisted arrest and tried to fight the cops in the cemetery during a lighting storm (I made that last part up).
Congrats David! You’ve won this minute’s award for HOTTEST GRAVE ROBBER OUT THERE! Now, where’s $30,000 when you need it?
[via kenneth & chicagotribune]

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!! OMG, PO-KOMÉ-ON GIRL…TAKE IT EASY !: crocodile-tears counter-attack !!


My Pokédex app on my phone [no joke…really…I know] tells me that “Fake Tears” is a Pokémon move that lowers the Special Defense of an opponent by two stages…and the counter-move to this manipulative squealy attack ?…apparently the prompting of animal noise recollection.
if she was my bowl-headed POKÉMOANER I would pull my mirror move where you grab a compact mirror from your Margiela CONCEPT-CLUTCH and hold it up so she can see how much like a sobbing mushroom headed Pokéchild she is being, and then I would reward her with S’mores and Haribo baby-bears for being so blooming cute…leaky ducts and all, because she is lowering my Special Defense level by like 70-something stages !
PO-KOMÉ-ON GIRL…TAKE IT EASY !
[via laughingsquid]

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!! OMG, tight squeeeeeee !: ‘If it Fits, I Sits; The Supercut’ !!

______ The cat jumps in the hat, the fox jumps in the box, the pup jumps in the cup, and the foal jumps in the bowl…OK the foal so doesn’t jump in any bowl but the kitty does climb inside a teacup, and then another in a Croc shoe [please piss in there, a horrible poisonous piss that won’t wash out and makes them -if at all possible- even more unwearable].
The Bull Dog pretending he’s all dainty and wee when he’s ripping the seems of that -already reinforced- Mountain Equipment Coop corrugated flat-pack ?! What a twinkle-toed angel he is there !
It’s like all these fluffy heads just want you to pop them in a Chinese takeout box and eat their cute faces with a pair of spring mechanized chop sticks, except that running-jump-and-slide cereal box kitty, he wants you to pour full fat milk on his head and munchkin away at him for breakfast !
[via huffpost]

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