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!! OMG, David Beckham Victimized in Italy !!


Those wacky Italians– always running around acting like they’re starring in their own private Fellini movies! The Telegraph brings us the disturbing news that Soccer Spice David Beckham was recently assaulted in Milan by a decidedly un-Posh TV reporter:

Beckham “The stunt was a ‘test’ to see whether the football star measured up to his photo in Armani billboards, in which he shows off his impressive physique in a pair of tight-fitting underpants. He has since been replaced in the Armani campaign by Portuguese soccer star Cristiano Ronaldo. Beckham looked shocked and immediately backed away after being touched by the blonde-haired TV reporter, a star of the satirical show Le Iene (The Hyenas). As security guards closed ranks around the 34-year-old midfielder, Miss Di Cioccio was chased down the street yelling ‘E piccolo, Beckham’ (‘Beckham is small’), while being filmed by the show’s cameraman. Beckham climbed into a black car but she ran around to the driver’s seat in which he was sitting, shouting: ‘You’ve taken us for a ride! How could you? David!'”

Before you yell at me in the comments, let me express my sincere outrage at this disgusting incident. As Tammy Akbar would say: IT WASN’T NOT FUNNY.
[The Telegraph via Towleroad]

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!! OMG, Stay Away From His Precious: Jay Leno Explained !!

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Judging by the comments in the OMG comment-sack, our gentle readers (always ones to eschew conventional wisdom!) seem torn as to who they should side with in the currently escalating Conan-Leno war. After all, Jay Leno seems like such a nice man, and he sure does tickle that funny bone without causing any undue offense or confusion. On the other hand, despite the vague, suspicious smell of the Ivy League/Fake America, Conan O’Brien seems like a nice enough fellow too! WHAT TO MAKE OF ALL THIS?

Luckily, Felix Gillette at the New York Observer comes to the rescue, handily explaining exactly what’s so gross about smiling, unthreatening Jay Leno: he’s the Gollum of the airwaves. How did I not notice this before?

…Mr. Leno sounds less like a fuzzy fellow worthy of Middle America and more like a dangerous beast from Middle-Earth–not unlike, say, Gollum from The Lord of the Rings. In J.R.R. Tolkien’s classic tale, Gollum is a once noble animal who (like Leno is his early days as a stand-up comic) was beloved by his peers. But then Gollum takes possession of an incredibly powerful ring, which not only extends his life but also gradually saps him of his humanity. Alone with no family or friends, continued possession of the ring becomes Gollum’s only purpose in life. Gradually, his proto-self “Smeagol” disappears and is replaced by a nasty, treacherous personality, which leaves him two-faced to the world. In “Slinker” mode, he comes across as servile, toothless and eager to please. But as “Stinker,” he lurks quietly in the shadows, hiding in the closet, ready to bite off the finger of anyone who tries to get between him and his “precious”–a.k.a. The Tonight Show.

If you still think Leno’s the one getting the raw deal here, click over to the Observer to read the rest of Mr. Gillette’s highly illuminating piece.
[New York Observer]

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