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!! OMG, How Sinister: Hoodies! !!

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Beware the mysterious figure in a hoodie! Yes, it might be your grandma– because she has probably been known to wear a hoodie in more casual moments– but it also might be a dastardly criminal bent on rape, murder, or worse. What’s a girl to do!?
The good people of crime-hotbed Cape Cod, MA, are struggling with just this question, as a recent article in the Cape Cod Times reports. Well gee whiz, how can you use clothing as an indicator of who’s a criminal when criminals/terrorists and normal people all wear similar clothing!? It’s an important question with no obvious answer! Nonetheless, the Cape Cod Times is trying to unravel it:

The popularity of hoodies can be a boon or bane depending on the context. The sweatshirts can be a statement of anti-social tendencies or a colorful and extroverted expression of the wearer’s tastes.

Nightclubs from England to Hyannis have implemented bans on hoodies, but balancing safety concerns with concerns about profiling can be difficult.

“You try not to judge a book by its cover but if the shoe fits,” said Jason Irving, general manager at Tommy Doyle’s Irish Pub on Main Street in Hyannis, where a hoodie ban has been softened because of the sweatshirts’ popularity.

For Cape banks and other businesses, the past six months have increased awareness of the more nefarious uses of the hoodie: a means of concealment while committing a crime…

Although some banks post signs asking customers to remove hats and hoods, police on the Cape and around the country continue to grapple with the trend, more popular than ever with age groups from grandparent to grandchild.

“You can’t confront everyone who is wearing a hoodie because everyone is wearing them,” said Yarmouth police Lt. Steven Xiarhos.

In other news, many criminals have also recently taken to wearing shoes– all the better for making a quick getaway on foot when being pursued by the long arm of the law. More experienced villains have gone so far as to adopt the practice of driving cars, which offer even easier means for evasion. Lawmakers and journalists take note!
(Cape Cod Online)

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!! OMG, He Burned His Penis: Channing Tatum !!

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Did you hear that OMG favorite Channing Tatum spilled scalding hot water all over his penis and almost burned the whole thing off!? True! But not to worry– Mr. Tatum tells Details that everything’s okay now! Curious about other celebrities’ genital accidents? The Daily Beast, always eager to bring us the most relevant and important news, has compiled a gallery of famous “below the belt incidents.” News you can use!

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!! OMG, He Douches: Bear Grylls !!


If there’s one way to prove your manhood, it’s by giving yourself an enema on national television! And no one has ever accused Man Vs. Nature’s wilderness warrior Bear Grylls of being anything less than 100% total man.
Whether or not he is gross, on the other hand, I leave up to you the reader.

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