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!! OMG, John Mayer reveals the secret of life !!

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The quote of the month comes from John Mayer in Rolling Stone:

“I am the new generation of masturbator. I’ve seen it all. Before I make coffee, I’ve seen more butt holes than a proctologist does in a week… I have masturbated myself out of serious problems in my life. The phone doesn’t pick up because I’m masturbating. And I have excused myself at the oddest times so as to not make mistakes. If Tiger Woods only knew when to jerk off. It has a true market value, like gold bullion. [It’s] because I want to take a brain bath. It’s like a hot whirlpool for my brain, in a brain space that is 100 percent agreeable with itself.”

(Via WOW Report)

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!! OMG, He Might Be Naked: Jesse McCartney !!

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So I just finished reading Jesse McCartney’s Wikipedia page and I still can’t tell you that I totally understand who he is. He seems to be an attractive child young man who sometimes sings and sometimes makes guest appearances on TV shows? Hmm, okay! Do not even talk to me about Justin Bieber because I have no idea who that person is supposed to be.
Back to Jesse McCartney: apparently there’s a naked picture of him floating around the internet, and his lawyer is preemptively threatening to sue anyone who posts it. TMZ reports:

The photo is floating around … showing what looks like a naked McCartney all by his lonesome, laying on a bed with a candy G-string, fully exposed. According to the New York Post, it’s being shopped around by an angry ex. Someone sent it to TMZ on Dec. 22, but we did not publish it.

McCartney’s lawyer, Shawn Chapman Holley, has fired off a cease and desist letter to any web site that would dare publish the photo.

Holley warns, “a person is attempting to circulate a nude photo which purports to be Mr. McCartney.” She goes on, “McCartney was unaware of the taking of this alleged photo, did not knowingly participate in the taking of this photo, and certainly did not consent to the taking of such photo.”

Holley says in the letter, “it appears that this photo has been manipulated and doctored by computer software.”

So he was unaware of the picture that is fake because it was photoshopped? This all sounds mighty fishy to me, so if you’re in possession of the picture, go ahead and send it to me at [email protected] so I can make my expert assessment of the situation.
(Thanks to ever-faithful CBEntr for the tip-off.)

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!! OMG, Restore Your Personal Luster: My New Pink Button !!

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I have a feeling there aren’t too many OMG Readers in the market for vagina makeup, but you never know! And anyway, even if you don’t have a vagina you might be able to find a useful application for a miracle product called My New Pink Button, which is intended to make your private parts just as pink and vibrant as God Bob Guccione intended them. I’ve been coloring my butthole with Crayola magic marker for the last year, so at least for me this is great news!
Now if only someone would actually start mass-producing Clitter
(My New Pink Button via Jezebel)

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!! OMG, How Draconian: Colleges adopt new masturbation policy !!

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Spotted in the University of Michigan showers. Although the sign turned out to be a prank and not an official UofM decree, I still think it’s a sensible policy! I never understood the jerking off in the shower thing anyway. It seems like something only a lady would think was a good idea.
(From HuffPo, thanks to Andrew for the tip.)

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