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!! OMG, It’s Justified and Ancient: Scientists uncover very old dildo !!

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I just hope they boiled it or something: archaeologists in Sweden (coincidentally the home of the Swedish massage, Swedish Fish and the Swedish Chef) have discovered a suspiciously boner-like object, carved out of an antler, which they suspect to be the world’s mustiest known dildo. But don’t get too excited, boys– all reports claim that the faux-phallus measures in at a wimpy four inches.*
Naturally the archaeologists are loathe to jump to conclusions, pointing out that no one can know for sure if this item was ever used in the pursuit of sweaty caveman pleasure. One G┼íran Gruber (of the National Heritage Board in Sweden!) sensibly points out that the non-business end could also have been used to “chip flakes of flint.”
Of course, it seems beside the point what use was actually intended for the thing. Everyone who’s ever tended a vegetable garden knows that if there’s an even penis-like object to be found, there’s also surely someone willing to stick it all up in himself. Mark my words: whether or not this ancient artifact was purchased at Ye Olde Sexxxe Shoppe, it has surely seen the inside of a man’s butt!
[Livescience via Jezebel]
*Although it totally looks like a slightly more respectable five or even six in the picture, right? Don’t ask me!

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!! OMG, It’s Multipurpose: A Chap’s Stick !!

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How many times have you found yourself about to get saucy with some sexy fellow only to realize at the last minute that not only are your lips chapped beyond recognition, but that you’re about as moist as a week-old French cruller “down there”? How embarrassing!
Now there’s a new product that will solve both problems at once. Not only is A Chap’s Stick a totally organic lip moisturizer, it’s also intended for “moisturizing” your, you know, intimate areas. And it’s minty!
Order A Chap’s Stick here. (Site mildly NSFW)
[Via WOW Report]

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!! OMG, hide your eyes: Betty White might have a sex tape! !!

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Betty White! What is with Betty White lately?! I would love to see this lady’s chart, because she’s clearly having an astological moment. Of course I love any Golden Girl (and by the way, why do the Designing Women not get the adulation they deserve?) but enough with the Betty White! Now she (might) have a f*cking sex tape– which is sure to bring new meaning to “eating cheesecake on the lanai.”
News of this tape comes from third-rate gossip blogger and first-rate spam artist Zack Taylor (seriously dude, stop with the daily press releases!) who “reports”:

Rumours are going around that photos of Betty White and her late husband, television host Allen Ludden, engaging in sexual activities are going to be released!!

According to a couple industry insiders who have been contacted by the people in possession of the photos, there are a total of four pictures that were recently found in a box belonging to the now 88-year-old Betty – The box was supposedly left behind at her old house along with other memorabilia.

While Enough is enough! Let’s put this shit to an end before we start getting the upskirt photos!
[UPDATE: Oh and hey, it turns out if you do a google image search for Betty White all these topless pictures come up? Who knew. I put one after the jump for those who dare to click. NSFW!]
[ZackTaylor.Ca]

[[ OMG, there’s more: JUMP IN to read the rest ]]

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!! OMG, Dirty Dancing Gets Dirtier With “The Ass Lick” !!


So the Brazilians have invented a great new dance called the Surra de Bunda. That means ass lick and while that sounds provocative enough on its own, there is no ass-licking in the actual dance, which seems to involve slamming your butt really hard against another person’s face. While the above demonstration video involves straight people, I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before the gay version gains popularity! Start your stopwatches!
[Via Gawker]

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!! OMG, How Dirty: Old Tyme Brothel Menu !!

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I always assumed sex in the olden times was a zzzzs affair mostly composed of grunty, missionary rubbing under the covers. But according to this brothel menu from 1912, it seems that I was pretty wrong! Not only will one of Mrs. F. A. Tasse’s gals “sit on your prick, shoving in stones and all” (um, ow?) she’ll do it for less than the cost of a one-day Manhunt pass! Oh, the good old days!
[via WOW Report]

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