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!! OMG, How Dirty: Old Tyme Brothel Menu !!

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I always assumed sex in the olden times was a zzzzs affair mostly composed of grunty, missionary rubbing under the covers. But according to this brothel menu from 1912, it seems that I was pretty wrong! Not only will one of Mrs. F. A. Tasse’s gals “sit on your prick, shoving in stones and all” (um, ow?) she’ll do it for less than the cost of a one-day Manhunt pass! Oh, the good old days!
[via WOW Report]

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!! OMG, Gross! Gay Twilight features twinks, blood !!


Well, you knew it was coming. In fact, what took it so long to get here? I am, of course, speaking of Twinklight, the gay Twilight porno. (Call me when the gay Baby-sitter’s Club porno comes out– with early 90’s nostalgia at an all-time high and the recent rerelease of the books it can’t be too far off!)
Anyway, I would say that Twinklight looks hot except, uh, ew, blood? I know it’s a vampire movie and everything but was that really necessary? Gross! Also, as everyone knows, the whole point of Twilight is that there’s no sex– gay or otherwise. A real gay version of Twilight would just feature a bunch of longing gay embraces.
The trailer’s above, and while there’s technically no nudity, there’s a lot of gay writhing and fang-baring, so it’s probably not the greatest idea to watch it at work.
[Via Queerty]

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!! OMG, Put It away: Marc Jacobs strips down for perfume ad !!

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You know, this isn’t something we usually say here on OMG Blog, but put some clothes on, Marc Jacobs. The designer’s recent transformation into a lobotomized, greased-up glitter queen has been so depressing to watch. Now he’s decided to go nude in the ads for his own perfume.
I’m always fantasizing about taking up healthy eating and yoga and gym-going and getting a perfect body, but if this is what you become then maybe I’ll just stay flabby.
[Via Towleroad]

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!! OMG, Predict Your Poop: Stool Scanner Lite !!

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Curious to know what your next poo will look like? Well who isn’t curious about the quality of their future bowel movements?! Now there’s a new iPhone application that will (supposedly) tell you. Either that or it’s just a gross joke— you can decide which.
All Stool Scanner Lite– the 29th most popular free iPhone application in the UK!– asks of you is that you press a finger from your “wiping hand” to the screen of your iPhone so it can take a stool sample. Oh, and then you press your face to the screen, for I don’t know what reason but it must be important!
The program then “analyzes” your “stool” and gives you a prediction as to your next dump. Firm or loose!? Dark chocolate or that weird yellowish color!? Stool Scanner Lite, the Magic 8 Ball of shit, has all the answers! You can even buy an upgrade which allows you to post your poop to Facebook. Classy!
(Gay tourism applications are still banned from the iPhone, though, so don’t even try.)
[WOW Report]

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!! OMG, Surprise: Unsuspecting lady gets candy with a penis !!

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An unsuspecting British lady just thought she was eating some normal “Jelly Babies” which I assume is what they call some kind of baby-shaped candy treat in England. Imagine her surprise when she reached into her candy sack and pulled out a “baby” shaped like a full-grown man clutching his jelly-penis! Blimey!
Reports The Sun:

Lyz Parker, 23, found him in a bag of Candy King she got at Tesco Home Plus in Staines, Middlesex.

She said: “When I opened the bag I screamed so loudly the whole office came running over. I couldn’t believe my eyes.”

Lyz, from Camberley, Surrey, called Candy King but at first they thought it was a prank call. The firm is now investigating, and said yesterday: “Clearly this is not part of Candy King’s assortment.”

Tesco added: “We expect better behaviour from our jelly sweets. We’ll raise it with the supplier.”

[The Sun]

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