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!! OMG, Eric Massa Can’t Keep His Hands to Himself !!

Oh hey! Have you been following this whole Eric Massa scandal? The former Democratic congressman (he resigned on the 5th) is caught up in a whole web of scandal based on (obviously true!) allegations of his totally crazy gay antics. The latest is today’s breaking news from Politico that

The House ethics committee has received allegations that former Rep. Eric Massa groped at least three male staffers and conducted himself improperly with interns as well as full-time aides, a source familiar with the matter tells POLITICO.

I’m starting to wonder what kind of parents would send their virginal little boys bois off to be congressional interns. Shit, at least when you sent your kids to Michael Jackson’s house for a sleepover, he’d give you a Rolex or whatever as a bribe. But now Mr. Jackson is dead, the Neverland Ranch is all boarded up, and the House of Representatives is starting to look like America’s molestiest house! (Not to worry– with news of the Pope’s gay hooker ring, the Vatican still holds the international title.)
BUT ANYWAY, obviously the absolute best part of the whole Massa scandal are the former congressman’s bizarre (and erotic!!!) counter-allegations, which involve a sexy, nude locker room showdown with Obama Chief-of-Staff and white-haired sex-machine Rahm Emanuel:

“Let me tell you a story about Rahm Emanuel,” Massa started. “I was a congressman in my first eight weeks, and I was in the congressional gym, and I went down and I worked out and I went into the showers…I’m sitting there showering, naked as a jaybird and here comes Rahm Emanuel not even with a towel wrapped around his tush, poking his finger in my chest, yelling at me because I wasn’t going to vote for the president’s budget. Do you know how awkward it is to have a political argument with a naked man?

“By the way, what the heck is he doing in the Congressional gym,” Massa continued. “He goes there to intimidate members of Congress…He’s hated me since day one, and now he wins.”

Hmm! I wonder what could possibly be so intimidating about a naked Rahm Emanuel!?
AND WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT? I cannot wait to find out!
[Huffington Post]

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!! OMG, How Romantic: the gay You Belong With Me !!

I usually hate this kind of shit, but this romantic gay crush video set to Taylor Swift’s You Belong With Me is actually kind of cute and heartwarming. Let’s face it– I would follow Ms. Swift anywhere.
One caveat: while this video is totally nice about the whole fag thing, I’m sad to report that– like so much of Hollywood’s output– it is extremely glassesphobic. If you are part of the glasses-wearing community (including friends, allies, and those questioning their eyesight!) you might want to avoid it altogether.
(Thanks to Carlos for the tip)

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!! OMG, He’s Out: Sean Hayes !!

In the biggest news since we found out that the moon is not actually made of green cheese, The Advocate has just broken the huge news that Will & Grace’s Sean Hayes is a gay. What do you know! I had no idea he was in the closet in the first place. I can’t decide what to think about this, but Mr. Hayes seems kind of annoyed at the whole thing:

“I am who I am. I was never in, as they say. Never.”

“What more do you want me to do? Do you want me to stand on a float? And then what? It’s never enough.”

“I feel like I’ve contributed monumentally to the success of the gay movement in America, and if anyone wants to argue that, I’m open to it. You’re welcome, Advocate.”

My predictions for the next stars The Advocate will force out of the closet: Jim J. Bullock, Elton John and KD Lang!

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!! OMG, He’s Gay: Anti-Gay State Politician Roy Ashburn !!

Who would ever dream that an anti-gay state senator would turn out to be a drunk and corpulent homosexual?
Oh actually everyone would guess that! Because it seems to be what happens every time!

SACRAMENTO (CBS13) ― Sources tell CBS13 a state senator from Southern California was arrested for allegedly driving drunk after leaving Faces, a gay nightclub in midtown Sacramento, early Wednesday morning.
The California Highway Patrol pulled over Senator Roy Ashburn at 2:00 a.m. Wednesday after an officer noticed a black Chevy Tahoe swerving at 13th and L Streets.
Ashburn, a father of four, is a Republican Senator representing parts of Kern, Tulare and San Bernardino Counties with a history of opposing gay rights
When the officer stopped the state-issued vehicle, the driver identified himself as Senator Ashburn. He was arrested without incident and charged with two misdemeanors: driving under the influence and driving with a blood alcohol level higher than .08% or higher.

(CBS 13 via The Awl)

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