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!! OMG, Carrie Prejean Masturbates For Jesus !!

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Every time I turn around, Mean Queen Carrie Prejean is doing something to make me love her against my better judgment. You probably heard last week about her sex tape, but this week it has been revealed that there are actually EIGHT of them. That’s right– America’s number one crusader against Opposite Marriage may hate the gays who do her hair and help her glue her bathing suit to her ass, but she has no problem with displaying her most intimate moments with her own cooter for all the world– in eight separate tapes. How fabulous!
But wait just a moment here: Carrie may not be the scarlet woman people are making her out to be. If we look to her courageous autobiography we can see that Queen Prejean– a noted theologian in addition to pageantess and demagogue– has a sound religious basis for her on-camera antics, arguing that “God gave us our bodies, and it’s perfectly right that we use them in ways where we can give glory to God.”
Who could disagree?
(Radar)

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!! OMG, How Homosexual: Video Games! !!

We’ve come a long way since closeted “brothers” Mario and Luigi took their first chaste plunge down the pipes. While the saviors of the Mushroom Kingdom have always been too uptight to consumate their forbidden plumber-on-plumber desires, the rest of the video game world is coming out of the closet. Check out the hot elf on knight action Bioware’s new Dragon Age: Origins. It’s not exactly NSFW, but beware: it is very romantic!
I can’t embed the video, so head on over to Queerty to see it. (Note: Legolas fetishists may want to lock the door first.)
Thanks to Linwood for the tip!

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!! OMG He’s Naked (Somewhere But Not Here): Levi Johnston !!

UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE!
Word comes from Gawker that Levi Johnston (whose butt I came thisclose to touching last night, long story!) has officially just now gotten nude for Playgirl’s camera. The waiting is almost over! We don’t have the pictures yet, but rest assured we are all over the story and ready to post pictures of Mr. Johnston’s reportedly-smooth butt and girthy (just guessing) manparts as soon as we can get our hands on them.
Daniel Nardicio, if you’re reading this, we reward leaks handsomely at OMG Blog.
Levi’s Johnston Watch: He Is Naked With a Hockey Stick – Gawker

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!! OMG, She’s Offended: Carrie Prejean !!


I can truly NOT get enough of vapid, hypocrite Carrie “Even My Plastic Boobs Are Christian” Prejean, America’s #1 exiled beauty queen and crusader against Opposite Marriage. She’s quickly replacing Ann Coulter (where has Ann been lately, anyway?) as the right-wing homophobic witch I find most haggy and amazing. With her haughty obliviousness, plasticene smile and popsicle-with-tits figure, one can only imagine what a hit she would be at The Cock on a Saturday night!
Another thing that I love is America’s gassy grandpa Larry King. Where else but on Larry King Live can you watch a completely senile person stumble and fart his way through a national television appearance, night after night after night? It’s often boring, yes, but always, always in a mesmerizing way.
So imagine my delight at this video in which Carrie meets Larry– and threatens to walk off the set because of his “inappropriate” behavior. Carrie baby: if you don’t cut this fabulous and queeny behavior out, you’re gonna find yourself judging drag balls and grand-marshaling the gay pride parade before you know it! It’s a fact, hon!
(Via Videogum)

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!! OMG, The Truth About Playgirl !!

Are you interested in hearing about Levi Johnston?! Well, guess what: I’m not! Although I surely welcome and celebrate his low-blow potshots at Sarah “Pig” Palin, I’m completely over the will-he-won’t-he coquette routine. Dear Levi, I’ll be first in line to see your D when you decide to show it, but all this talking was already old shit in August. Put up or shut up!
That said, I am violating my own Levi-ban to link to this fascinating (and only tangentially Levi-related) piece over at The Awl, in which former Playgirl editor Jessann Collins gives the real story about the death and (supposed) rebirth of the venerable “women’s” magazine. Note: there is no peen in the article, but it does include several lolish vintage Playgirl covers.
(The Truth About Levi Johnston and Playgirl)

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