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!! OMG, It’s Unconstitutional: The Defense of Marriage Act !!

Good news: the Defense of Marriage Act was ruled unconstitutional by a Boston judge yesterday!
You might remember DOMA as the nonsenisal Clinton-era law that allows the federal government to ignore double-weiner marriages performed by states in which it’s legal. Not so fast, bitches! says U.S. District Judge Joseph Tauro:

“The federal government, by enacting and enforcing DOMA, plainly encroaches upon the firmly entrenched province of the state, and in doing so, offends the Tenth Amendment. For that reason, the statute is invalid,” Tauro wrote in a ruling in a lawsuit filed by Attorney General Martha Coakley.

Ruling in a separate case filed by Gays & Lesbian Advocates & Defenders, Tauro found that DOMA violates the equal protection clause of the U.S. Constitution.

Yayyyy! So does this mean all you gay husbands out there can now start collecting your federal pensions? Um, no. Does it mean that DOMA is done for? Not that either– so put those engagement rings away.
What it means is that the whole thing’s going to be in appeals for the next billion years. But, you know, yay anyway! Thanks Judge Tauro!
[Associated Press]

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!! OMG, Now We’re Talking: Crotchety, cane-waving senior citizens to be required to attend gay weddings !!


CONCORD, NH–Less than two weeks after legalizing gay marriage in the state, New Hampshire legislators enacted a new law Tuesday making it mandatory for persons over the age of 60 to attend three same-sex weddings every year for the rest of their lives. “Beginning July 1, all senior citizens must publicly condone gay unions by RSVPing to the rainbow-colored invitation, putting on nice church clothes, and spending an afternoon celebrating the wedded bliss of two men or two women who like to have sex with each other,” bill H.B. 437 read in part. “Any grandparent who refuses to weep joyously when the grooms kiss may be subject to harsh penalties.” Gay marriage advocates are already protesting the new statute, which they say unlawfully forces homosexuals to have gross old people at their weddings.

While this law is a start, I don’t think it goes nearly far enough! I urge you to write your representatives urging them to bring live acts of man-on-man sodomy into kindergarten classrooms and to require Southern Baptist ministers to march in full leather-drag at Gay Pride parades. Enough with politics as usual! Let’s advance this homosexual agenda while we have the chance!
[Via The Onion]

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!! OMG, You’ve Come a Long Way, Baby: Gays now as important to women as purses !!

Get your Mulberry barf bags out, boys! Teen Vogue asks: Is a GBF (Gay Best Friend) the New Must-Have Accessory For Teen Girls?
Writes Teen Vogue‘s Lindsay Talbot:

He’s fun, trust-worthy, and supportive, plus you don’t have to compete with him. He’s your gay best friend–and he’s in demand.

This spring, sixteen-year-old Mimi noticed a new trend at her Pacific Palisades, California, high school. The must-have items for her fashionista classmates included a Proenza Schouler tie-dyed top, a shrunken military jacket, neon-bright chunky bracelets, and . . . a gay best friend.

“A few years ago, all the popular, pretty girls were walking hand in hand with a preppy jock,” she says. “Now you’ll see them in hallways with a Mulberry bag on one arm and a Johnny Weir look-alike on the other.” She says one girl at her school even recently tweeted: “OMG, watching Glee makes me wish I had a guy like Kurt in my life.”

Let’s see… if I were an accessory for a teen girl, what would I be? Maybe a tube of lipstick with which she could freshen up before kissing my ass? (Is lipstick considered an accessory? I don’t even f*cking know so I guess I wouldn’t make a very good gay lapdog.)
Do you have a friend with a vagina? Which one of her accessories are you?
[Via AfterElton]

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