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!! OMG, She’s A Mommy: Bethenny ‘Bethany’ Frankel !!

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OMG, Real Housewife of New York Bethenny “Bethany” Frankel went into labor this morning! This is the scene as I imagine it to have unfolded:

INT. Bethenny’s Kitchen. BETHENNY and BETHENNY’S ASSISTANT sit huddled over separate laptops.
BETHENNY’S ASSISTANT: Oh no.
BETHENNY: What?
BETHENNY’S ASSISTANT: Holy shit…
BETHENNY: What?!
BETHENNY’S ASSISTANT: Have you seen Perez Hilton yet?
BETHENNY: No. What’s that f*cker saying now?
BETHENNY’S ASSISTANT: Just look.
BETHENNY: How do I find it? What’s the link?
BETHENNY’S ASSISTANT: It’s right at the top of the page.
(Bethenny clicks around for a moment.)
BETHENNY: Shit. That f*cker. It says here that I’m going into labor!
BETHENNY’S ASSISTANT: Wait, right now?
BETHENNY: Yes!
BETHENNY’S ASSISTANT: Well… ?
BETHENNY: (Feels stomach, a look of surprise registers.) How did he… ? Well shit. Call the doctor.
(She stands and begins packing her bags.)
BETHENNY’S ASSISTANT: Should I call Jill first?
FADE TO BLACK

Bethenny’s baby’s arriving a month ahead of schedule, so let’s wish Ms. Frankel and her spawn good luck getting all their publicity ducks in a row on this short notice!
[Access Hollywood via Gawker]

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!! OMG, He Should Look Both Ways Before Crossing: Lord Jesus Christ !!

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My worst nightmare is accidentally hitting someone with a car. You never know, it could happen! But even worse than hitting any old person would be hitting Lord Jesus Christ himself. It happened to poor Brittany Cantarella in lesbian capital of the world Northampton, Massachussetts. According to the AP:

Police say a Pittsfield woman has been cited for running down a man named Lord Jesus Christ as he crossed a street in Northampton on Tuesday.
The 50-year-old man is from Belchertown. Officers checked his ID and discovered that, indeed, his legal name is Lord Jesus Christ.

Dios mio! Well, not to worry– I’m sure he’ll be fine in three days or so.
[AP, thanks to Michael S. for the tip…]

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!! OMG, Björk clears sample for E-40’s new album !!

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When Björk posted on her website that she’d cleared a sample — something she apparently never ever does — for a track on Oakland rapper E-40‘s new album Revenue Retrievin’: Night Shift, many fans believed it was an elaborate prank because the item appeared on April 1st. An insensitive assumption to say the least, because a) why would Björk turn one of hip-hop’s most innovative lyricists into the butt of a joke for the benefit of her nerdiest die-hard fans who buy every box set and religiously check her website even when she’s between albums? (A demographic that I admittedly once belonged to, but not anymore seeing as I’m a month late on this news.) And b) the song, which samples “Oceania” off her all-acapella Medulla record, is amazing.

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!! OMG, Get Carried Away (In a bus with gay Stanford) !!

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Are you ready for the coming onslaught of Scary Sadshaws on May 26, the OFFICIAL RELEASE DATE OF THE NEW SEX AND THE CITY MOVIE!!!?!? This is the day when hundreds of thousands of crazy women who think they’re “the real” Carrie/Charlotte/Miranda/Whatever will descend on New York (and probably other places, maybe?) in a terrifying cloud of Marabou, cupcakes, and big fake flowers in their hair. They will be in search of Love, Labels and whatever that third thing that starts with L is. (Lingonberries? Lavatories? I can’t remember! Oh, that’s right– MORE CUPCAKES!!!)
Anyway, these good time gals will need some form of transport to ferry them around all of Carrie’s various haunts. And who better to do it than the second-most annoying gay character on the show, Stanford Blatch?

Sex-crazed fans can be first in line for a fun-filled night following in the footsteps of Carrie and Co. to celebrate the release of Sex and the City 2 starring Sarah Jessica Parker, Kim
Cattrall, Kristin Davis, Cynthia Nixon, John Corbett and Chris Noth. Due to an overwhelming response to a similar opening weekend package, On Location Tours is now offering a special Sex and the City 2 Midnight Madness Package on May 26, 2010, with a special appearance by SATC regular and rumored husband-to-be Stanford Blatch (Willie Garson).

The madness begins with On Location Tours’ signature Sex and the City Hotspots tour led by actresses and stand-up comediennes, followed by dinner at Fresco by Scotto, a private midnight showing of the film, and VIP admission to ultra-trendy Marquee.

Having occasionally encountered these tours in the wild, I can tell you that I’d rather get my balls waxed than go on one, but different strokes for different folks! Maybe it would be a great experience to share with one of the horrible Gorgons in your life!
Oh, and don’t forget to wear your nameplate necklace!
[Screen Tours]

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