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!! OMG, he won’t be naked: Levi Johnston !!

For f*ck’s sake. This is exactly why I’ve been avoiding the Levi Johnston story. I knew it was all just a big tease! Now Gawker is reporting that he will NOT be showing his penis in his upcoming Playgirl spread. I hate to sound like a complain-y OMG Blog reader, but that’s not naked! Is this going to be like the Shannen Doherty Playboy spread where she’s sitting there with her arms and legs crossed so you can’t see anything at all? I suspect it might!
We’ve been taken for a ride, guys. I knew it, I knew it, I knew it.

(Gawker)

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!! OMG, watch out for the Kitchen Shitter !!

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If you live in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, don’t invite any randoms to your next party, or you could end up with a mess at the end of the night:

Marc. WARNING! Ladies of Williamsburg, BEWARE!!! This man shit on the floor of my kitchen on October 6 and then peaced. He might strike again. Approach with caution.

(via Holy Taco)

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!! OMG breaking: Robert Pattinson is the sexiest of 2009 !!

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As if you didn’t see this one coming: People Magazine has selected Robert Pattinson as their Sexiest Man Alive for 2009, ahead of Taylor Lautner, the entire cast of True Blood, and even Andy Roddick! Congrats R-Pattz. The official announcement is coming on Wednesday. (via JJB)

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!! OMG gossip: Real life rivalry on ‘True Blood’ !!

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True Blood star Alexander Skarsgard wants more screen time than co-star Stephen Moyer. Perhaps they should settle things in the nude. [betty]
Enrique Iglesias has a giant, gold-plated penis! [dlisted]
Nicole Kidman loves her new boobs [popeater]
Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt somehow have time to design jewelry for Asprey in between saving the world and making movies. [l.a. rag mag]
Tom Cruise wants Katie Holmes to play the villain in the new Mission Impossible movie [the superficial]
OMG magazines airbrush babies! [jezebel]
Cyndi Lauper vs. Madonna. Who thinks Cyndi won the battle? [kenneth]
OMG shirtless skater boys at the beach! [oh la la]
Why did Lindsay Lohan show up on the red carpet with a back brace? [yeeeah]
Sexy gay brothers Sam and Dan play shirtless mud volleyball on The Amazing Race [greg]
Reese Witherspoon dumps her trash in neighbors bins [hollywood rag]
Adam Lambert‘s new music video features leather and loin cloths [socialite life]
And he’s talking about doing it with a woman. Do we believe him? [anything hollywood]
Universal Studios “simplified” the names and images of black cast members away from the poster for the UK release of Couples Retreat [evil beet]
10-year-old refuses to pledge allegiance to the flag until gays can marry [towleroad]

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!! OMG, How Scandalous: Top Ten Celebrity Mug Shots !!

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Newsweek sure is getting classy! The venerable newsmagazine has recently found its complete zzzzzzzsssness a liability in the internet era. But never fear for the mag’s future! They’ve now decided to whore themselves for our hardearned clickies with shameless features like this top ten list of celebrity mugshots.

Well, I did click. And I bet you will too. Consider it an act of charity.

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