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!! OMG Book Club: Managed Expectations !!

Since there hasn’t been a f*cking thing worth noting on the internet today, I went for a little stroll an hour ago and was struck by a certain AUTUMNAL breeze on the backs of my arms. Could these be the winds of change? Ugh, summer is ending, which also means that today is the final installment of Marisa Meltzer’s positively MAUPINIAN serial web novel, Managed Expectations, over at The Awl.
Managed Expectations follows the travails of one Nicole, a materialistic and self-absorbed, yerba mate-chugging quasi-hippie with a heart of gold in the wilds of Brooklyn. It is both an astute exploration in matters of the heart and a savage comedy of manners.
On weddings:

Reverend Winifred Dehner, a priestess and Reiki master from Pillars of HER Traditions, that goddess temple on Staten Island, stepped forward. “Sisters and Brothers,” Rev. Dehner began, “Miranda and Lawrence look forward to the day when the civil right of marriage will be extended to all citizens.” She went on to read from the Massachusetts Supreme Court decision to legalize gay marriage and followed it up with quotes on the nature of love from Rumi and Dave Eggers.

On compatibility:

“We had a fight.” Jared looked down at his pint of Stella. “We were at this party for one of her square interior decorator friends and she kept trying to get me to dance with her to De La Soul. I had to tell her how much I hated positive rap.”

On breakups:

“It works, too. Remember that guy who I dumped because he said I wasn’t angry enough about the 2004 election?”
“The guy with the Lhaso Apso?”
“Now he’s on Twitter but it’s written in the voice of the dog.”
“Oh my God.”
“See? Totally over him. Works every time.”

I’m really sad it’s over, but if you haven’t been reading it all along you’re lucky because now you can read the whole thing in one sitting. I’m jealous!

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!! OMG, It’s So Intimate: Cuddle Parties !!


Big Sister Cuddlebot Julie Chen– always with her finger on the femoral pulse of America– has discovered a cuddly craze that is sweeping the nation! According to this up-to-the-minute Early Show report, Americans everywhere are falling for Cuddle Parties— pajama-clad hugfests where, not to worry, sexual activity is prohibited and you have to get verbal permission just to touch someone’s forehead.
Although the nominal point of these parties is for grown-ass people to roll around on mattresses while experimenting with touch and intimacy, Cuddle Party organizer Madeline Guinazzo points out another great thing about the cuddle party phenomenon: “It’s just great to have a place where I feel comfortable saying NO.”
Call me old-fashioned but I’ll be at the party where I’m blacked out and getting taken advantage of on a pile of other people’s coats.

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!! OMG, what to do in Toronto tonight: Big Primpin! !!

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I don’t know about the rest of North America, but summer in Toronto sucked major ass thanks to a five-week garbage strike and a two-month hot weather strike. Tonight, Big Primpin will kiss this so-called summer goodbye with its Hot Mess Summer Blow Out party at Wrongbar. I’m Djing along with Hollyrock and Phil V. Doors are at 10pm and cover is $5. Facebook event here.
Also, Toronto’s AIDS Walk for Life is setting up a table at the party. Say hi, donate if you can, and get information on how you can join 10,000 other Torontonians walking on September 13 to support the continued fight against HIV/AIDS.

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!! OMG how outrageous: Conservatives !!


Remember, say, four years ago when if you said even the tiniest bad thing about the president of the USA it meant you were a person who wanted young boys to die a deserty death a million miles from home? I bet you do! How quickly the worm turns! Now if you don’t think the president is the equivalent of Hitler, it means youmust be Hitler too! Everyone’s Hitler! Except William F. Buckley, I guess– and he’s dead!
I know this is all so obvious that it goes without saying (and don’t worry– this isn’t going to become a political blog) but f*ck all of these people.

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