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!! OMG, that’s not a boner! !!


So a bunch of tipsters have alerted us to the above YouTube clip, which I guess either means that a lot of people are interested in it or that some viral PR marketing genius is trying to spark another Susan Boyle Craze. I’ll assume it’s the former, but honestly I have a few pressing questions when it comes to this video from THE X-FACTOR. I don’t get it!
First of all, excuse me for being such an ignorant American “wanker” but is Simon Cowell now the star of every television program in England? I know there’s been a recent Jade Goody shortage and everything, but really, can’t Shilpa Shetty pinch hit or something? It’s getting embarrassing.
Okay, that’s question one. Question two is what the hell are all these British people in the audience freaking out about? I guess the idea is that everyone thinks this man is onstage doing his terrible singing with a giant boner in his pants but, um, guess what: this is not what a boner looks like. It’s just not. If I hadn’t seen so much scally/chav porn, I might be tempted to assume that UK boners are round and bulbous rather than long and cylindrical like, you know, a D, but the sad fact is that I’m quite familiar with the Triga catalog, which means I’m well aware that British people have normal boners just like everyone else. So like Dan at HitDanBack, I find myself asking what the f*ck? I guess this man just has a really big basket but is that something to go this crazy over? I thought people liked big baskets! Shouldn’t they be applauding?
If someone can educate me about exactly what is going on here I would really appreciate it.
(Brought to our attention by Hachiko and others!)

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!! OMG, Lesbians Are Real! !!

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Leaping latt├ęs, lanyards, lingonberries, Lincoln Logs and Linda Lingle! Sunday nights will soon be strickly lickly again, because Showtime’s just announced that it’s going to stop being polite and start getting SAPPHIC with an all real version of the L Word, helmed by evil Lesbian overlord Ilene Chaiken. Just in from Variety:

Showtime is reviving “The L Word” — but this time as a reality series.
Pay cabler has greenlit nine episodes of “The Real L Word: Los Angeles,” from “L Word” creator Ilene Chaiken and reality producers Magical Elves (“Top Chef”).
Show will follow six lesbians in Los Angeles as they go about their lives — a lesbian answer to Bravo’s “Real Housewives” franchise. Project is dependent on casting, the net said; if all goes as planned, “The Real L Word” would debut sometime next year.

Although the network could go any number of ways with casting the show, I’m personally hoping for an all-star lineup featuring my favorite Sisters of the Moon of reality teevee past: Genesis from Real World Boston, Sonja Christopher from the first ever episode of Survivor, that person with impetigo from ANTM, Vanessa from the Tila Tequila show, mean Lisa from Top Chef and of course Brett Michaels of Poison.
Oh, who cares who’s in it– I just hope they’re all as beautiful as Shane, as rich as Helena and as psychotic as Jenny Schecter.

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!! OMG gossip: New Whitney album !!

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OMG new Whitney Houston album “I Look To You” out today! [popbytes]
Fox News has a Twitter traitor in the their midst [towleroad]
Chris Brown “doesn’t remember” smacking Rihanna around [dlisted]
OMG Taylor Lautner beefcake photos in Teen Vogue! [oh la la]
Sexy action from new film Final Destination [tabloid prodigy]
OMG drama in Vogue Evolution! [bwe]
Megan Fox intimidates co-stars with her sexiness [yeeeah]
The scientologists have Miley Cyrus in their sights [hollywood rag]
Anti-gay Lt. Governor of South Carolina Andre Bauer is a 100% closeted homosexual according to Mike Rogers [joe]
OMG celebrity yearbook photos! [amy grindhouse]
Demi Moore will appear in a recurring guest role on Ashton Kutcher’s television show Beautiful Life [l.a. rag mag]
Tennis stud Travis Rettenmeir practices shirtless [kenneth]
Blake Lively practices motherhood [socialite life]

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