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!! OMG gossip: New Whitney album !!

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OMG new Whitney Houston album “I Look To You” out today! [popbytes]
Fox News has a Twitter traitor in the their midst [towleroad]
Chris Brown “doesn’t remember” smacking Rihanna around [dlisted]
OMG Taylor Lautner beefcake photos in Teen Vogue! [oh la la]
Sexy action from new film Final Destination [tabloid prodigy]
OMG drama in Vogue Evolution! [bwe]
Megan Fox intimidates co-stars with her sexiness [yeeeah]
The scientologists have Miley Cyrus in their sights [hollywood rag]
Anti-gay Lt. Governor of South Carolina Andre Bauer is a 100% closeted homosexual according to Mike Rogers [joe]
OMG celebrity yearbook photos! [amy grindhouse]
Demi Moore will appear in a recurring guest role on Ashton Kutcher’s television show Beautiful Life [l.a. rag mag]
Tennis stud Travis Rettenmeir practices shirtless [kenneth]
Blake Lively practices motherhood [socialite life]

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!! OMG He’s So Fertile: Macaulay Culkin! !!

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Well well well! It’s looking more and more like 90’s moppet Macaulay Culkin may be the babydaddy of little Blanket Jackson. My now-ex-boyfriend ( 🙁 ) came up with this theory months ago and I have to admit he is a total genius, because The Sun is now reporting:

Sources close to Jackson say the Thriller star asked Culkin for the donation to help him complete his “perfect” family. The source added: “This isn’t just chitter-chatter, even Culkin suspects he’s Blanket’s father.
“So many names have been mentioned as prospective dads, and this is probably the wackiest yet. But Jackson and Culkin were best friends. He was one of the few people Jackson really trusted and Mack never let him down. Really, Jackson idolised him – that’s why he asked Mack to donate sperm. Deep down, I think he always wished Mack was his son. Creating Blanket was the next best thing.”
Culkin – godfather to Jacko’s other two children – has told pals he will not comment in public out of loyalty to his late pal.

Okay, sort of gross at first, but when you put it in perspective it’s kind of a relief that Michael was using the Home Alone star’s sperm for something as innocent and old-fashioned as making babies. Well right?

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!! OMG Book Club: Also Crystal Was Into Witchcraft! !!


Anyone who has seen the classic film PORKY’S surely remembers a dancer by the name of Crystal Gellata, “a dancer from the movie Porky’s!” No? Okay, me neither, but whatever– Ms. Gellata has been to hell and back, and she’s decided to tell the world all about it in her self-published memoir Someone Please Love Me: A True Story of a Dancer from the Movie Porky’s. Based on the brief blurb on Amazon, it’s clear that this is a woman who makes Florrie Fisher look like Mrs. Garrett. Also this book is bound to be a total classic:

This book is about Crystal’s life. She feels her life is unbelievable. To this day, people do not believe her when she tells them about things that have happened to her. You name it, it has happened to her. She has had eight husbands in her life. All of them were monsters, except for the last one. Also, Crystal was into witchcraft. Crystal was a go-go dancer and quit when she was fifty years young. Since she was working in the bars she got mixed up with the mafia and a lot of bad men. There a things in her book that she has never told her bestfriends. But, now it is time for the world to know the life story of a dancer and how she survived it.

As a lover of literature and publishing professional, I know that self-pubbed books often completely rule in every way. You may think I’m being sarcastic but I don’t do sarcasm anymore; it causes too much confusion. So believe me when I say that Somebody Please Love Me will probably be my favorite book of the year. (Even though it came out in 2003. But I don’t think I read anything so great that year either.)
Order it here and make Crystal Gellata a very rich woman!
(And thank you to KYLIE for the hot tip.)

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!! OMG All Dogs Don’t Go to Heaven! !!

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I was recently watching Kirk Cameron on public access and was almost tempted to forsake my manloving ways in order to become a scary Christian lunatic. (Those Camerons can be so persuasive, right???) But just as I was about to give myself eternally to Christ, I remembered the one suckiest thing about Christianity: Jesus hates cute dogs and catties! In fact when the Rapture comes, even the most Christlike of pets are going to be left behind. Really, Frank, how much fun will Paradise be if you’re worried about who’s feeding poor little Andy?
Well luckily for our Jesusy friends, a nice group of atheists has gotten together to make sure that the world’s abandoned Christian pets will be cared for when their owners are partying with Christ post-apocalypse-style. Quoth Earthbound-Pets:

You’ve committed your life to Jesus. You know you’re saved. But when the Rapture comes what’s to become of your loving pets who are left behind? Eternal Earth-Bound Pets takes that burden off your mind.
We are a group of dedicated animal lovers, and atheists. Each Eternal Earth-Bound Pet representative is a confirmed atheist, and as such will still be here on Earth after you’ve received your reward. Our network of animal activists are committed to step in when you step up to Jesus.

And they’ll only charge $110 for it– a bargain if you consider how expensive Fancy Feast is sure to be come the Judgment Day. Thank God for the Left Behind! (I wonder if they’re hiring?)
(Thanks to Daniel for the tip!)

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