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!! OMG All Dogs Don’t Go to Heaven! !!

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I was recently watching Kirk Cameron on public access and was almost tempted to forsake my manloving ways in order to become a scary Christian lunatic. (Those Camerons can be so persuasive, right???) But just as I was about to give myself eternally to Christ, I remembered the one suckiest thing about Christianity: Jesus hates cute dogs and catties! In fact when the Rapture comes, even the most Christlike of pets are going to be left behind. Really, Frank, how much fun will Paradise be if you’re worried about who’s feeding poor little Andy?
Well luckily for our Jesusy friends, a nice group of atheists has gotten together to make sure that the world’s abandoned Christian pets will be cared for when their owners are partying with Christ post-apocalypse-style. Quoth Earthbound-Pets:

You’ve committed your life to Jesus. You know you’re saved. But when the Rapture comes what’s to become of your loving pets who are left behind? Eternal Earth-Bound Pets takes that burden off your mind.
We are a group of dedicated animal lovers, and atheists. Each Eternal Earth-Bound Pet representative is a confirmed atheist, and as such will still be here on Earth after you’ve received your reward. Our network of animal activists are committed to step in when you step up to Jesus.

And they’ll only charge $110 for it– a bargain if you consider how expensive Fancy Feast is sure to be come the Judgment Day. Thank God for the Left Behind! (I wonder if they’re hiring?)
(Thanks to Daniel for the tip!)

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!! OMG It’s My First Day! !!

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Well hi and everything! I know everyone (including me) is mourning Graydon’s departure to the mean and celebrity-peen-free streets of NYC, but I urge you all to dry your eyes because I’m here now, which means everything is going to be okay. It’s normal to be a little uneasy at the scary prospect of change, but I swear I swear I swear I’m going to be the COUSIN GERI rather than the COUSIN OLIVER of this web concern.
A little bit about me: my name is Bmad, I’m an Aries with an Aquarius rising, and I’ve been a faithful OMG reader since Frank’s first post. In the guise of my alter-ego, I write novels for teenage girls, which I would love it if you bought in large quantities. I’ll be posting here at least four times a day, so everything new will seem old again in no time.
Feel free to give me a warm welcome at [email protected] Nude pics happily accepted!

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!! OMG goodbye Graydon, hello Bmad !!

Many thanks to Graydon for his hard work over the last year (has it really been that long?) bringing you all the highest quality cuteness, funniness, intrigue, controversy, and celebrity cock you can find on the Internet.
I know he has a lot of fans out there who are feeling sad about his departure, just like me. In fact, when he first told me he was leaving, I felt like this:

I think my tongue even went out of my mouth a little bit like that.
But the good news is you won’t be stuck with me doing the daily posts! We are bringing in some fresh blood with new !! omg blog !! writer Bmad, whose first day will be Monday. Please give him a warm welcome, and don’t let the circumcision debates die with Graydon’s departure!
(Thanks to Tommy for the cute puppy video!)

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!! OMG, how wistful: My Last Post !!


Girlfriends, it is time for me to say goodbye. I’m moving to New York and have taken on other projects, so this is my last post as a regular contributor to !! OMG !! and I’ll miss you all dearly. I’ll miss the lovers, the haterz, the incessant and ridiculous cut vs. uncut debates, and most of all, I’ll miss the Paula Poundstone DEFENDERS.
If you see a bewildered 40-something (I’m 26, but I have ALS – Ali Lohan Syndrome) wandering the streets of New York screaming out for Christopher Meloni please just take my hand and guide me to the closest Cinnabon. They’ll know what to do.
I was going to post Anal Jar as my final blog, but I dared not. I can’t even bring myself to link to it. If you must see the most vile video I’ve ever come across in my internet travels, you’ll have to Google it for yourself. Don’t say I didn’t warn you! It makes 2 Girls 1 Cup look like a picnic with grandmother.
Instead, I leave you with my favourite video of the most glamourous cholita in all of America – something I would have posted every day if I could have.
So big thanks to Frank for letting me be self-deprecating and passive-aggressive on his blog every day for the past year, and you should all be very excited for the man who will be taking over for me. He’s going to bring OMG to the next level. Frank will fill you in on that later…
Love and Kisses,
Excuse My Beauty,
Graydon

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