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!! OMG, Sweatiest-case Scenario: Military Leaders Spill Most Erotic Fears About Don’t Ask Don’t Tell Repeal !!

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“Our men need to know they can count on each other in battle, and we can’t have them getting distracted by illicit romantic dalliances. Especially if one’s a little blond Adonis farm boy and his buddy’s a real tough street kid straight out of Brooklyn. I mean, think about it: What if they lock eyes and abandon their post to start ripping each other’s fatigues off, revealing twin sets of glistening washboard abs and at last fulfilling their hidden passions?” – Gen. James T. Conway, commandant of the Marine Corps.

Yes, it’s a fake quote from the Onion, but this still seems to reflect the military’s real attitude about repealing Don’t Ask Don’t Tell.
What they’re forgetting is that dudes in the closet can have sex with each other just as effectively as any other dudes. In fact, I’ve been told closet-sex is often much hotter.
[The Onion via Andrew Sullivan]

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!! OMG, Can We Congress: Carte Goodwin of West Virginia is America’s New Hottest Senator !!

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Aaron Schock, formerly the hottest (not to mention the most festively attired!) member of congress must be gnashing his teeth and pulling out his frosted tips, as he’s been supplanted as America’s Congressional Stud. And by a Democrat! Noooooo!
Or, rather, oh yes.
In an effort to disprove the stereotype that West Virginians are straw-chewing, inbred yokels with missing teeth, Gov. Joe Manchin of West Virginia just named his former general counsel, Carte Goodwin, to take over the seat vacated by deceased Sen. Robert Byrd.
While the title of America’s Nudest Senator is still held by Scott Brown (R – MA), we’re hoping that Mr. Goodwin can soon take over that role as well. Playgirl, have you placed a call yet?
(NYT)

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!! OMG, Buy Them a Gift: Bristol and Levi’s Wal-Mart Wedding Registry !!

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Happy couple and proud mommy and daddy Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston can’t wait to tie the old knot– and they also can’t wait for the presents from joyful Republicans to start rolling in!
Among the items the trashy lovebirds are hoping for are several guns, a snowblower, a hunting knife, and some hockey jerseys. Because nothing says I DO like a SOG Seal Pup Elite Fixed Blade Knife.
(Yes, it’s fake but who cares about things like that?! This is the internet!)
[Via Gawker]

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!! OMG, they’re engaged again: Levi Johnston and Bristol Palin !!

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Well the plot thickens! Everyone’s favorite almost-second-daughter Bristol Palin has revealed that she’s creeping off to the igloo of to Levi Johnston, her hockey-playing, Playgirl-posing, mom-hating, peen-concealing, Kathy Griffin dating total f*ckin Alaskan chub-stud of an erstwhile babydaddy. They’re in love and they’re getting married!
Oh, and instead of telling Mom Palin about their plan, they thought it would be fun to let her find out by seeing the cover of Us Weekly!
Considering the bad blood that’s passed between Sarah Palin and Levi Johnston in the last year, you can be sure that Pitbull With Lipstick‘s getting ready to maul this fucker’s white Alaskan ass.
Whatever happens next, I know it’s going to be good…

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!! OMG, I Reluctantly Disapprove: Pentagon considering separate gay showers !!

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Someone alert Dink Flamingo! The U.S. military has revealed that it’s seriously considering separate barracks and showers for gay soldiers, if and when they actually decide to let them in.
I know this is horrible discrimination and the equivalent of segregation, but for the first time in my life I’m actually considering joining the army! I hear it pays better than OMG Blog (no offense, Frank!) and, uh, those showers actually sound like they could be, you know, a lot of fun. Just call me Private Bmad
Seriously, this is wrong and bad! Separate but equal is no kind of equality at all!
(Okay I have to go masturbate now.)
[Via Joe.My.God]

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