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!! OMG, It’s Here: The National Equality March !!

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So this weekend is the big gay march, and i hope you’re going. If you know of any good parties, please send the invites my way! (No LOG CABIN REPUBLICANS, though; I’ve been burned one too many times. You’re like, “Pay for my dinner!” and they’re like, “What are you, a SOCIALIST?” And you’re like, “OBVIOUSLY; what’s the problem?! Are you paying or what?!”)
Anyway, tomorrow night Nobel Laureate in Chief Barack Obama will be giving his semiannual hurry up and wait speech to a room of rich white gayteratti, and Our Lady of the Gaga will be giving a special performance. While I love the Gags as much as anyone, reader Arthur points out that it would be more appropriate for Janet Jackson to perform:

Sunday is the actual march and rally, and if I’m not still too drunk to get off the couch, I’ll be covering the event for OMG Blog, so say hello if you see me. Bring good signs so I’ll have something to take pictures of!
That night I’ll be recovering at The New Gay’s always fun Homo/Sonic party at the Black Cat, which you should also attend.
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Have fun, be safe, and raise some hell. Here’s to legal marriage, the speedy repeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, and of course, everyone getting totes laid.

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!! OMG, How Fetus-loving: CUPCAKES !!

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Who knew that every time you eat a cupcake you are actually murdering a doctor who performs abortions!? Well good for you! Conversely, every time you eat a muffin or a WICKED NEW YORK BAGEL you might as well be vacuuming a cute little fetus from some lady’s promiscuous and unsuspecting womb!
Sunday might be National Coming Out Day, but what you might not know is that Jesus himself has proclaimed today, October 9th, NATIONAL PRO-LIFE CUPCAKE DAY! That’s right! According to the Pro-Life Cupcake Campaign, this is the day that the Lord has made to shame babykillers with baked treats!
According to the P-LCC’s website:

Cupcakes were designed for children’s birthday parties. We love Children and we love birthdays. We think this would be a good way to tell people that we think that every child should be allowed to have a birthday.

Bring in a tray of cupcakes for any group of people and you will find that they will flock to get them. As soon as they take a bite they will probably ask, “Who’s birthday is it?”

Then you answer. “It’s no ones birthday. These cupcakes represent the 50,000,000 children who weren’t allowed to be born, who never had a birthday.” The cake in their mouth will become dry and the moment will hopefully become quite somber. Then you say, “If you and I were aborted we wouldn’t have a birthday party either.”

The idea behind www.CupCakesForlife.com is to spread the terrible truth about the assault on the unborn in a thoughtful, unique, and kind way.

So fire up your oven, get out your mixmaster and bust open a pack of Duncan Hines. (Betty Crocker is not encouraged because she is clearly a complete liberal slut!) Don’t do it for your appetite– do it for Baby Tanya!
(Yeah, the whole site is actually just some babyhater’s idea of a sick cupcake joke, but who cares!)
Via Jezebel

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!! OMG, maybe this time he’ll actually get naked: Levi Johnston !!

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UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE!! Are you sick of Levi Johnston yet? I know, you’re like, “Who? Remind me again?”
Reminder: Levi Johnston is the shameless Alaskan stud who gave Bristol Palin that bad case of the pregs back in whenever. (Bristol Palin is the teen mommy daughter of Sarah Palin, remember? Running-mate of John McCain? That mean old man who ran for president that one time? Oh, right! Him! Now you remember!)
Back to Mr. Johnston: he should teach a Learning Annex course in how to be a successful F-list pseudocelebrity because he will not get off my Google reader! Yes, he fake-dated Kathy Griffin and went on Tyra and also was in a baffling ad for pistachios, but the centerpieces of his strategy for remaining in the public eye have been his coy promises of nudity. First he was going to pose for Unzipped. Then it was going to be Playgirl, but no penis! Then back to Unzipped, maybe. (Because they are the most important gay news organization in the world, The Advocate published a long piece on the confusion.)
Now Mr. Johnston’s lawyer is promising promising promising that YES, Levi will be dropping his Levis for PLAYGIRL. He’s even hired a personal trainer and is working out 6 nights a week in preparation for the big photoshoot. Honey, it’s cute that you want to look good, but don’t you know that all we care about is the size of your salmon tackle? And all the working out in the world can’t change that.
One thing that most of the news outlets reporting on this momentous news have failed to mention is that Playgirl basically doesn’t even exist anymore. Oh, details, details, details! Just show us your junk, Levi! And this time you better not be f*cking around because I’m not going to write anything more about it until I see some peen. (I swear.)
(Photo via Just Jared)

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!! OMG, News You Can Use: Guide to Washington, DC gays !!

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For those of you who will be attending the National Equality March in DC this weekend, the fine folks over at The New Gay have compiled for your convenience and edification a field guide to DC gays. Just in case you get confused! While the TNG guide presents a comprehensive and detailed bestiary of the gays you might encounter in our fair US capital, I grew up there and I think I can further boil it down to just six types:

  • Dudes in baseball caps
  • Dudes in polo shirts
  • Dudes in baseball caps and polo shirts
  • Dudes in neither baseball caps nor polo shirts
  • Scarey drunk Log Cabin Republicans at 3 in the morning. (TIP: RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!)

Have fun and be safe at the march! I’ll be there reporting for OMG Blog, so say hi if you see me.

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!! OMG, Deze Nutz: Levi Johnston !!


It seems only a matter of time before hunky Alaskan Levi Johnston gets his own reality show and I for one cannot wait. America’s most shameless political DILF has been working his fifteen minutes of microfame since knocking up #1 teen mommy Bristol Palin: so far he has appeared on Tyra Banks, “written” an article for Vanity Fair, and taunted OMG readers with empty promises of nude peen photos. Now he’s appearing in a completely nonsensical ad for PISTACHIOS. I don’t understand this ad at all, but the almost-second-son-in-law does look completely great!
Still, I will not be satisfied until the Unzipped shoot is in the can.
(Via The Awl.)

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