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!! OMG, dirty talk: 51 phrases for peen !!


Because penis has the word sin in it spelled backwards, Christians are advised to avoid the term and use alternative phrases to describe a man’s twaddle stick. Or master dangle. Or love lure. Or squirt dart. Or (my favorite) beefy apple-johnny. Watch to find out which other peen replacements are bible-approved.
(via Joe.My.God.)

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!! OMG, back we go: America under rule of the British monarchy !!

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Sorry, Kansas, looks like ol’ Lizzy across the pond ain’t such a big fan of the Sunflower State. Her Majesty (cough) called Kansans out in an official letter to the entire American population, wherein she regressed us Yanks to the status of colonist — i.e. the Brits are taking over so prepare to start saying shhhedule instead of schedule. Here’s just a snippet Queeny’s address, but read the full letter after the jump:
To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II:
In light of your immediate failure to financially manage yourselves and also in recent years your tendency to elect incompetent Presidents of the USA and therefore not able to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up ‘revocation’ in the Oxford English Dictionary.)
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas , which she does not fancy).
Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.
Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated sometime next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. The letter ‘U’ will be reinstated in words such as ‘colour,’ ‘favour,’ ‘labour’ and ‘neighbour.’ Likewise, you will learn to spell ‘doughnut’ without skipping half the letters, and the suffix ‘-ize’ will be replaced by the suffix ‘-ise.’Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up ‘vocabulary’).

[[ OMG, there’s more: JUMP IN to read the rest ]]

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