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!! OMG, back we go: America under rule of the British monarchy !!

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Sorry, Kansas, looks like ol’ Lizzy across the pond ain’t such a big fan of the Sunflower State. Her Majesty (cough) called Kansans out in an official letter to the entire American population, wherein she regressed us Yanks to the status of colonist — i.e. the Brits are taking over so prepare to start saying shhhedule instead of schedule. Here’s just a snippet Queeny’s address, but read the full letter after the jump:
To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II:
In light of your immediate failure to financially manage yourselves and also in recent years your tendency to elect incompetent Presidents of the USA and therefore not able to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up ‘revocation’ in the Oxford English Dictionary.)
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas , which she does not fancy).
Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.
Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated sometime next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. The letter ‘U’ will be reinstated in words such as ‘colour,’ ‘favour,’ ‘labour’ and ‘neighbour.’ Likewise, you will learn to spell ‘doughnut’ without skipping half the letters, and the suffix ‘-ize’ will be replaced by the suffix ‘-ise.’Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up ‘vocabulary’).

[[ OMG, there’s more: JUMP IN to read the rest ]]

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!! OMG, progress: Men can now compete in the World Pole Dancing championships !!


Progress for gender equality! For the first time in its history, the World Pole Dancing championships have allowed men to strip down, grease up, and compete alongside female dancers. The Wall Street Journal investigated said development, profiling a Mr. Matty Shields. 26, who hoped to become the first male champion. “When I tell people what I do, there is shock, ‘No! pole dancing is for women,” Shields, who is also a student nurse, told the paper. “Pole dancing,” he says, “can be masculine, too.”

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!! OMG, these hot guys say: “Touch yourself” !!


Because they know it’s the only way to really get a person’s attention, Rethink employed a buffet of shirtless hotties to promote breast cancer awareness and self-examinations. The free Your Man Reminder app for the iPhone features a cast of dudes who strip while reminding people to check their breasts. Clever, clever. All the guys are yummy, but I’m rather partial to when Isaac tells me to touch myself…
(via Ohlala)

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!! OMG, screwed: Occupy Wall Street condoms !!

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Just in case the next thing to break out of Occupy Wall Street is an STD, Condomania condom store now sells a protest-theme condom. Per the store’s description: “Whether or not you agree with the “demands” of the Occupy Wall Street movement that is sweeping the U.S., one thing is for sure; lots of people out there are tired of feeling screwed. Occupy Condoms say it all in a neat little package while affording young protestors the protection they need to stay safe in the passionate frenzy that is social protest.” And, in the spirit of the OWS protest, Condomania has prices the condoms at 70% below retail.
(via Gawker)

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!! OMG, he may not have been gay: But Steve Jobs loved the gays !!

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Following Steve Job’s death, Queerty rounded up the Apple genius’s top five gayest highlights from his brilliant career. I mean, if you’re on Grindr then you already have a lot to thank Mr. Jobs for…

1) The Apple Logo – Rob Janoff originally created the iconic rainbow-colored logo in 1977. And though the company dropped the rainbow coloring in 1998, what more alluring symbol could there be than a the visible light spectrum placed onto a bitten apple–reminiscent of forbidden knowledge and irresistible temptation.

2) LGBT-friendly hiring practices – Apple was an early adopter of LGBT-friendly hiring practices and scored a perfect 100 in the Human Rights Campaign’s Corporate Equality Index for offering their employees LGBT-protections, domestic partner benefits, and diversity training–also setting a strong example for other large corporations.

3) Stylish design adapted by homos – According to a 2011 LGBT community survey, gay men are 1.4 times more likely to own an iPhone compared to the general population. The sleek, sexy, design and packaging of Apple products combined with their popularity among artists and designers helped boost their use amongst gay creatives as well.

4) Philanthropy for LGBT causes – Not only does Apple have no history of donating to anti-gay causes, they also famously donated $100,000 to help beat Proposition 8.

5) Appointing Tim Cook as CEO – A month and a half before his passing, Steve Jobs personally appointed Chief Operating Officer Timothy Cook as the new company head. As Cook steers the stock market’s #1 company into the 21st century, he does so as the most powerful gay businessperson in the world.

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