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!! OMG, Former cocaine expert Princess Leia says that Donald Trumps sniffles are 100% related to being a cokehead !!

We love her candidness and if anyone would know, it would be her! Check out a video comp of Donald‘s sniffles above and Carrie Fisher‘s tweet below!

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!! OMG, Berlin grocery store ALDI got its second delivery of cocaine yesterday, this time worth €15 million !!


The Lindsay Lohan of Germany is fucking AUFGEREGT again today, as her stash got intercepted at the ALDI grocery store UHGAIN while making its way through Berlin!

The Sydney Morning Herald reports that a whopping 386kg – about €15 million worth – of cocaine ended up in the shops from Colombia, described as the “biggest single” coke find ever in the country.

Police spokesman Stefan Redlich said: “Apparently there was a logistical mistake somewhere along the line”. No shit.

It’s not the first time Aldi’s been the unintended destination for the nose sherbet, with about €6 million worth found in banana crates last year. Maybe the traffickers should try a different tactic next time…

What the hell are all the DJs in Berlin going to do now?! They’re not staying up from Saturday til Monday on just Club Mate! This is a catastrophe!


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!! OMG, high heavens: Germany intercepts cocaine-filled condoms sent to Vatican !!

German newspaper Bild am Sonntag has reported that German customs officials intercepted a package addressed to the Vatican which was packed with 14 condoms FULL of cocaine. Someone’s got some explaining to do!
The drug, which was in liquid form and hidden inside the condoms, amounted to 340 grams and was valued at €40,000. The package was sent from South America and addressed to the Vatican’s post office, which would suggest that any one of the 800 residents at the Vatican could be its proud owner. According to PulseRadio:

The paper also stated that authorities handed the package to a police officer at the Vatican in the hopes of laying a trap for whomever might claim it, though no one did, leading German investigators to believe the recipient may have been tipped off, the newspaper said. The package had remained at the Vatican since January.

I mean, this sounds like a very exspensive prank to us. Yes, they knew that the condoms would get flagged because the staff at the Vatican have been trained to hate condoms for years — but everyone is going to assume that the package belongs to ex-nightclub bouncer Pope Francis, who is obviously is sending orders to his friends down in Buenos Aires! DUH!
[via pulseradio]

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!! OMG, Bangkok Massage Parlours, Cocaine, & that TEMPTRESS Kylie: The many factors that made ‘Street Fighter: The Movie’ so terrible !!

Back when I was 10 years old, there was nothing better than lining up on a Friday night at the cimena for a movie based on one of your favourite video games! I suspect my discerning tastes at the time probably made an exception for the lack of quality, but some were definitely better than others…
There was one video game franchise movie in particular that was seen as a major letdown for game fans, and that was 1994’s Street Fighter: The Movie!
Director Stephen de Souza wrote a piece recently about some of the nightmarish vibes he faced while prepping for the film, along with some of the trouble (and plain bad luck) he faced with some the cast! According the AVClub:

The director had to deal not only with interference from Street Fighter‘s development studio, Capcom (which had never produced a movie before), but he also contended with rushed stunt schedules, a cancer-stricken Raul Julia, cast members who became addicted to Bangkok massage parlors, and a Jean-Claude Van Damme who was hooked on cocaine and having sex with Kylie Minogue.

Jean Claude is always good for a 6:30am booty call, cuz he’s still up from the night before usually… so with the hours they keep on set, I don’t blame Kylie for hittin’ it. I would have done the same.
Also, is CAPCOM planning on re-doing this mess yet? Because if so, I came across this picture and I think she might be good for the part of M.Bison:
[via the AVClub]

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!! OMG, this shit is BANANAS: Berlin supermarkets get accidental cocaine delivery disguised as BANANAS !!

I’m not sure who the Lindsay Lohan of Germany is — but wherever she is today, she’s f*cking AUFGEREGT! (And you don’t want to see her when she’s aufgeregt. It gets messy.)
I guess Colombia made a big oopsie this week when they accidentally sent a bunch of boxes of cocaine posing as bananas to real Berlin supermarkets. The boxes somehow got further than expected, and were just short of being sold to customers when the stuff was uncovered!
This is the largest discovery of cocaine in Germany’s capital in around 15 years, and is valued at a total of 6 million euros ($9.1 million).
[via abc.net.au]

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