NOO! This isn’t footage from my friend’s camera-phone of me, drunk outside of my hometown local mall last night, — it’s some radical activist FEMA chick, showing those uptight St. Petersburg bitches that she will swoop in and SNATCH that behbeh Jesus like pterodactyl! Check it out below.
No, that’s not Lady Gaga and her two back-up dancers — it’s Miss Genoveva Nunez-Figueroa of Southern California, who is rewiring my brain to reconsider the imagery it would conjure up when it thinks of the words “HO HO HO” and “coming down the chimney”.
Genoveva (well excuse us with that name) had to be rescued from a chimney after getting stuck at the home of some dude she had reportedly met online. By 5:45 am, police responded to a report of a woman crying in the area. Gen was crying because she was stuck in the gottdamn chimney!
Apparently, (according to the dude that lived there) this was Gen‘s SECOND attempt at entry and they maybe could have had some sort of a previous relationship too… Love hurts! Well… at least Gen got to keep this lil souvenir of glamour:
Times are a-changing over in Comic Book land! Yesterday we reported that Archie Andrews will meet his fate saving his gay friend, Kevin Keller, from a shooting — and now news has arrived that THOR, the Norse god of thunder and Marvel comics superhero, is now a chick!
Where else would this world news be delivered to us, but from yesterday’s episode of THE VIEW!? Whoopi even joked that female-Thor’s alter-ego was in fact, Whoopi, herself. YUH… WE WISH!
“This is not She-Thor,” says writer Jason Aaron in Marvel’s press release, published by the Mary Sue. “This is not Lady Thor. This is not Thorita. This is THOR. This is the THOR of the Marvel Universe. But it’s unlike any Thor we’ve ever seen before.”
Marvel executive editor defended the decision to skeptical fans via Twitter:
Marvel has committed to at least 2 more Thor movies through 2018, but once that shit is over, you can kiss Chris Hemsworth‘s gunns goodbye! But who will be strong enough to lift that f*cking hammer? I mean, who LIFTS? If I had my way, WWF‘s Chyna would return to the spotlight in the starring role.
A woman completely lost her shit and scratched up a hybrid car at a Guangzhou Auto Show in an attempt to force her husband to buy it! I felt like I was looking into a mirror watching this. This is totally me at the mall when I can’t havvie. The sounds, everything…
Unfortunately, auto show security had to crush her moment of excessively glamorous dramatics by controlling her, and that’s when she turned on the waterworks. Her reasoning for doing what she did, you ask?
She couldn’t stand that her husband looked so young while she was getting old.
Fair enough. Seems like her husband could apply a bit of sensitivity here. I’ll opt to side with her and keep on her good side.