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!! OMG, She’s Talking Again: Rosie O gets third chance from Oprah !!


Move over Ellen Degeneres! Lesbian entertainer Rosie O’Donnell is making a triumphant return to your television– and this time we’ll be getting koosh-tossing, Tom Cruise-loving Nice Rosie, not that “mean fat loud lesbian” Rosie who made Elizabeth Hasselback cry!
Her Royal O-ness Oprah Winfrey has picked up O’Donnell’s talk show for her new OWN network under the condition that she return to her nicey-nice roots. We’ll see if Rosie can keep her trap shut about 9/11 conspiracies and getting orally serviced by gangs of tanned, toned Amazons at the Dinah Shore Golf Classic.
Meanwhile, somewhere in Santa Barbara, Gayle King is rifling through O’s undie drawers and sniffing the sheets under the suspicion that this decision might be more than just business…
[TV Squad]

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!! OMG, To Whom it Concerns: Sara Gilbert gets a daytime talk show !!


Move over Rolanda, Carnie Wilson, Faith Daniels and Gabrielle Cartreris: there’s a new hostess on the block. Oh wait… they already moved over? Oops! Well continuing: everyone’s favorite Conner sibling, Darlene, (aka actress Sara Gilbert) is getting her own talk show.
Ms. Gilbert, who has blossomed since we last saw her from from a sourfaced goth teen caterpillar into a lesbian mommy butterfly, was given the show over other competing actresses due to the recently implemented law that all talk show hostesses must be Daughters of Sappho.
The show will focus on parenting (zzzzzs!) and will feature panelists such as CBS HBIC Julie Chen, forgotten sitcom actress Holly “Dont Call Me Robin Givens” Robinson Peete, Scientologist loon Leah Remini and the ubiquitous Sharon Osborne.
The show replaces the departing As the World Turns, which, boo-hoo except I only watch Days and sometimes AMC so who cares.
[Via Joe. My. God.]

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!! OMG, plug your ears: Jewel sings ‘Foolish Games’ !!


Don’t ask me why I was watching Jewel‘s really terrible 1998 SNL performance of “Foolish Games,” but I was, and I felt the need to inflict it on all of you.
Make sure you make it to the truly agonizing ad lib part that begins around 2:42.
To be fair, everyone sounds a little worse than usual on SNL, but wow. If this was American Idol, I’m not sure even Paula could be nice.

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