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!! OMG, US politician is arrested after plotting to burn down a Muslim community, commit mass murder !!

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Amuurrrica the great! FBI officials have arrested and charged former congressional candidate Robert R. Doggart in connection with a plot to kill residents and destroy the school and mosque of the Muslim village of Islamberg in Hancock. Doggart, 63, was arrested in Signal Mountain TN, on April 10.

The previously sealed criminal complaint filed in federal court on April 13th shows Doggart planned to commit mass murder using an M4 rifle, explosives, machete and snipers. He warned that those who joined his team should prepare for hand-to-hand combat with any residents encountered in his pursuit. In a release, the public relations director for The Muslims of America (TMOA), Muhammad Matthew Gardner, said:

“Doggart is an example of the results of unchecked and rampant Islamophobia which has spread lies for years about our peaceful community. This man plotted to mercilessly kill us, kill our children, and blow up our mosque and our school. All would agree, if a Muslim did this, the perpetrator would be immediately identified as a terrorist then prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. The examples are numerous. Therefore, we call on all branches of justice to see to it that this man is prosecuted for planning a heinous hate crime and
terrorist act.” The Muslims of America, Inc., will be holding a private conference for media and government officials Monday.

NOT NICE! This is worse than being caught with meth and a male prosty! I mean those eyes though… they really do not read crazy to me. They are sane in that Gary Busey kind of way. How I love American politicians! They keep my newsfeed interesting!


!! OMG, Hi-Diddily-NO! Harry Shearer has quit The Simpsons !!

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The man who voices Mr. Burns, Waylon Smithers, Ned Flanders, Reverend Timothy Lovejoy, AND Principal Skinner had quit The Simpsons! Apparently, Harry Shearer is walking away from a $14 million two-year contract because he wants to pursue other work:

“In last four years, I’ve created and starred in a UK TV series and starred on London stage. Not stopping.”

I guess when you’re worth 65 Million Dollars already for voicing a cartoon, then what does another 14 million matter anyhoo? Harry’s voices are def some of the best, but I’m sure there’s some Simpsons fanatic out there in his mother’s basement who can do all of them in exchange for some action figures, so they’ll finger something out…

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!! OMG, and OH DEAR GOD: The trailer for the new JEM & THE HOLOGRAMS remake is here, and it’ll leave your childhood memories in shambles !!

We apologize ahead of time for sharing this atrocity. We knew the Jem remake would be terrible, but we had no idea it would be THIS terrible. If Avril Lavigne had executive produced this mess, it would have turned out better. Check out the trailer for the remake above!

OH, and LONG LIVE JIIIIZ!

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!! OMG, Berlin grocery store ALDI got its second delivery of cocaine yesterday, this time worth €15 million !!

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The Lindsay Lohan of Germany is fucking AUFGEREGT again today, as her stash got intercepted at the ALDI grocery store UHGAIN while making its way through Berlin!

The Sydney Morning Herald reports that a whopping 386kg – about €15 million worth – of cocaine ended up in the shops from Colombia, described as the “biggest single” coke find ever in the country.

Police spokesman Stefan Redlich said: “Apparently there was a logistical mistake somewhere along the line”. No shit.

It’s not the first time Aldi’s been the unintended destination for the nose sherbet, with about €6 million worth found in banana crates last year. Maybe the traffickers should try a different tactic next time…

What the hell are all the DJs in Berlin going to do now?! They’re not staying up from Saturday til Monday on just Club Mate! This is a catastrophe!

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!! OMG, Instagram is censoring their #freetheeggplant hashtag over male dick pics !!

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It seems Instagram is taking all the fun away from the perverts of the webisphere! How are we meant to search for dong on the ‘gram without a little aubergine!?

Many emoji, like words, have come to carry multiple meanings that might not immediately be obvious. A cup of tea, for example, isn’t always just a cup a tea–it can also refer to (spilling) tea or to the popular internet meme featuring Kermit the Frog sipping Lipton. The purple eggplant, commonly used to make jokes about sex, has become synonymous with penises. Fans of the eggplant suspect that Instagram’s removed it from the list of searchable emoji in an attempt to keep adult content off of the platform, or to at least make it more difficult to search for.

NO! Doth protest not enough! Get that shit back asap!

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[via towleroad]

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!! OMG, the endeth is near! The #kyliejennerlipchallenge takes internet by storm, wounds teens in the process !!

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I mean, if you’re a Kylie Jenner fan to begin with, that likely speaks to your intelligence alone, but this is just BEYOND!

A worrying new trend dubbed the ‘#kyliejennerchallenge’ is sweeping social media, encouraging teens to blow their lips up to epic proportions using bottles or shot glasses.
The reportedly painful method involves participants placing their mouth over the opening of a cup, jar or other narrow vessel and sucking in until the air vacuum causes their lips to swell up – all in the hopes of emulating Kylie Jenner’s bee-stung pout.
Countless teens, both boys and girls, have been sharing the disturbing results of their experiments on Twitter and Instagram, which in many cases has led to severe bruising around the mouth.

Check out some catastrophic results after the jump!
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[[ OMG, there’s more: JUMP IN to read the rest ]]

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!! OMG, Apple’s Soviet Russia version of Siri expresses her homophobic values, company claims it’s a ‘bug’ !!


Apple’s in hot water after their Russian version of Siri seems to express the country’s anti-gay values as normal, and Apple doesn’t seem to want to take credit for why that shit is happening with their product:

Apple is refusing to explain how and why the Russian language version of its voice-controlled virtual assistant, Siri, provided homophobic answers to queries relating to gay or lesbian topics.
The allegations first came to light when a Russian man called Alex, who lives in London, uploaded a video to YouTube appearing to show Siri either evading questions or expressing a negative response.
Alex asked questions such as: “Are there any gay bars around me?”, “tell me about gay marriage?” and “how do I register a gay marriage in England?”
Siri’s answers? “I would have turned red if I could”, “you are so rude!” and “I will pretend I haven’t heard”.
These responses seem to suggest that the word gay (гей) in Russian has been programmed as profanity. Swear words in the English language version receive similar responses.
However, the following more nuanced response, doesn’t fit that pattern.
“Is gay marriage normal?”
The response? “I believe this emotion should be considered negative.”

Next thing you know, Siri will be shutting down Grindr and uploading Tindr, and handing the gays over to police! I wonder how out, gay Apple CEO Tim Cook feels about all this?
[via theguardian]

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