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!! OMG, What what in the butt!? !!

Hey, if I was going to jail, the first thing I would do for sure is stick a bunch of stuff up my butt! Let’s see: my handy Nintendo DS, some snacks, my laptop (how else to post to OMG Blog!?), maybe a teddy bear to keep me company… oh, and a change of clothes, some US Weeklys, a book of Mad Libs (even convicts love a good Mad Lib!) some condoms and lube, facial moisturizer, and of course Tom’s of Maine toothpaste (because who know’s what kind of unnatural toothpaste they give you in the big house!)
So it’s no real surprise to me that clever Gavin Stanger of glamorous East Wenatchee had the same idea when he was sent off to the slammer on a charge of disorderly conduct. Well… sorta:

Coming in rectally — via [Mr. Stanger’s roomy butt] — were a green cigarette lighter, cigarette rolling papers, a golf-ball size baggie of tobacco, a bottle of tattoo ink, eight tattoo needles, a one-inch-long smoking pipe and a small baggie of suspected marijuana, said Sgt. John Kruse, a Wenatchee Police Department spokesman.

Cigarettes and lighter– okay, I should have remembered to put those on my butt-list too. And a little MJ? Why not! But tattoo needles up the butt? That’s just crazy!
[Wenatcheeworld via Boing Boing]

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!! OMG, she’s broke: Real Housewife Theresa Giudice !!


A big part of watching any of Bravo’s Real Housewife programs is sitting there thinking how the f*ck do these trashy people who don’t really seem to have jobs pay for this insane shit?! This is especially true in the New Jersey iteration of the show, in which all of the unemployed housewives live in lavish mansions that look like giant pizzerias (complete with fancy “al fresco” murals and faux-stucco finish!), drive SUVs bigger than my apartment, and drop tens of thousands of dollars at a time keeping their children outfitted in the latest designer kinderwhorewear. That’s not even mentioning the veritable millions spent on hair extensions, leopard-print stretch-pants, bubbie implants and lavish banquets featuring ziti baked with diamonds!
How on Earth can these women afford this glamorous and extravagant lifestyle?!?! Oh right, they can’t:: Theresa Giudice of The Real Housewives of New Jersey has become the latest of the reality franchise’s housewives to file for bankruptcy. And is she ever bankrupt! Although she and her husband Joe together make $80k annually, they’re in debt for almost $11m.
By the way that little m stand for million!
How will poor Theresa get herself out of this mess? If things don’t get better soon, will she be forced to ask fair-weather Housewife Danielle Staub to give her some tips on prostitution whoredom? I’m sure we’ll find out in season 3!
[NY Post via Joe. My. God.]

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!! OMG, I Really Shouldn’t Be Surprised: Bill O’Reilly compares gays to terrorists !!


Bill O’Reilly almost had us fooled there– in recent months, he’s retreated from his lunatic bunker to more moderate ground, ceding the title of Television’s Biggest Asshole to network-mate Glenn Beck. There have even been a couple of times lately when he’s come off looking halfway reasonable! Which I thought was basically impossible!
Of course, he’s still Bill O’Reilly– and guess what he’s mad about now? I’ll give you a hint: it’s not British Petroleum! You guessed it– that French McDonald’s commercial featuring the cute gay teenager.
Despite being completely innocuous and not even on the air on his continent, Bill O’Reilly would still like to know: if they’re going to make ads with gay people in them, what’s next?! Ads featuring Al Qaeda members eat at McDonalds?!? (We’d probably be lucky if terrorists did start eating at McDonald’s– that shit will take years off your life! But of course Mr. O’Reilly is too stupid to consider that!)

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!! OMG, How Liberating: Orange Pride !!


June may be Gay Pride month, but let’s not let it distract us from what’s really important: Orange Pride! No, it has nothing to do with being from Florida! Orange Pride is the deep pride that comes from being a Hooters Girl!
Now don’t roll your eyes– everyone should be proud of what they do! Hell, I’m proud that I post naked pictures of male celebrities on the internet, so I’m not going to throw stones at a few nice girls in white sneakers who earn their tips by serving buffalo wings and jalapeno poppersfrom out of their titties. But I do have a few questions about this ad! First, are the preteen girls who appear at the end customers or future employees? Second, does the “Orange” in “Orange Pride” refer to the color of the Hooters Girls’ shorts, or the color of their skin? Or both!
Happy Orange Pride month!

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!! OMG, How Self-Serving: Kelly Killoren Bensimon’s Anti-Bullying PSA !!


From her mysterious Fortress of Gum Berries in the land of Unicorns, Cartwheels and Lollipop Fun, the completely sane Real Housewife Kelly Killoren Bensimon has decided to courageously speak out on the topic of “sytematic bullying!”
Because “whether you’re 10 years old or a 40-year-old woman, four against one is not okay!”
Thanks Kelly! It must have been tough for you to take time out of you your busy schedule of eating candy, beating up your boyfriend and running nude down Fifth Avenue to provide us with this moment of self-serving sanctimony! I love getting my morality lessons from crazy people!
[Via Crushable]

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