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!! OMG, DIARRHETIC DIORAMA: in celebration of the royal newborn…and all the tacky crap you can pop on your mantlepiece !!

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What better way to remember the week when some posh girl and that PRIVILEGED TOFFEE-NOSED PREMATURELY BALDING HORSE-GOB squidged a human baby out of their right royal hole than a hand knitted diorama of the queenypoo and her crocheted corgi ‘mongst the happy knitted couple and their bobbly baby boy ?
PAPERMAG, have rounded up the most absurd-turds in commemorative regalia paraphernalia, which include:
a felted regal sceptre rattle
“it’s a boy/girl” vomit bags, which make me want to vomit in a vomit bag
Krispy Kreme‘s color-coded contribution a la creme-filled confectionery and
a gilded plaque of the royal couple and baby in a sort of heart-shaped royal Human Centipede silhouette-type-situation [no really, please do look] !

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!! OMG, Bradley’s spa treatment: Zebra-girl creamsicles her brother !!


I love that Zebra-girl is giving her amicable toddler-tot brother a home-style spa treatment.
“This treatment is a carpeted full-body baby-soft scrub with essential oils of hibiscus and Desitin…it will leave you baby soft and rejuvinated”…she is definitely explaining that as she rubs it on.
The mom is totally not even letting Zebra-girl explain that she’s protecting him from the harsh rays of the sun, or -like- maybe he has diaper rash all over his face…and arms…and legs, you don’t know, you were downstairs watching Coronation Street, duuuur !
…and when mom says “you’re not supposed to do that are you?” Zebra-girl don’t even care anyway, she just splurges some more out, right in front of her mom face.
[via laughingsquid]

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!! OMG, “her lovely lady dump…check it out”: Barbie Dream Dumpster !!

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I blooming knew that Barbie was a skank, I’ve always said it, those gross yellow-hey hair extensions, them Polymethyl methacrylate heels she squishes her toe-less feet into. Ever since those Bratz bitches came along she’s been getting worse, she’s gone from pink palatial suite to PINK’N’PURPLE PASTEL DUMP BOX !
She’s a dumpster diver, and a graffiti vandal, girl that dumpster ain’t your dumpster, it belongs to Pet Value, got it ? Don’t say we didn’t warn you when you get a load of kitty litter dumped on your fake weave early one Tuesday.
Please can they just go ahead and release Dumpster Diver Barbie, looking like Xtina in her “Dirty” video but with garbage scuba gear fashioned from bubble-wrap, and flippers made of cardboard boxes. You press her ass and she sings:

“What you gonna do with all that junk, all that junk inside that dump, I’m gonna make make make you love drunk off my dumpster-garbage-juice-that-settled-to-the-bottom-of-my-dream-trash-receptacle”

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[image source]

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!! OMG, LARYNX SANDWICH: the new Valley Girl “fry” !!

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I just read this great piece in DAZED by NZ writer Brent Randall, about how Britney has an industry induced throat disorder which means her larynx is totes collapsing; in fact soon she’ll be asking them smurfs to climb inside and pull her concertinaing glottal folds apart…FLAPPER SMURF !
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Read Randall’s piece after the jump.

[[ OMG, there’s more: JUMP IN to read the rest ]]

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!! OMG, CATheter costumes: Wasabi-chan’s knitted CATstumes !!

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Wasabi-chan was attacked by a crow The Omen style last month that pecked this purrer real good until she was rescued by a passerby and rushed to the animal hospital.
Because when you tell kitties not to pull out their feeding tube or they will die they simply meow and swipe, Wasabi-chan’s owner decided simply to humiliate her by outfitting her in figure-hugging crocheted costumes that would restrict her clawing movements and thus save her life right meow and simultaneously save the lives of everybody who sees her in her knitted ‘shroom garb who are living for it’s cuteness.
And obv her owner, not content with donning her dying kitty in a forest fungus costume [above] went one better and dressed her as a rectal prolapse inflamed pink sock [below].
If I was Wasabi-chan, girl I would die of shame, oh the shame of that time my mom dressed me as an anal injury and posted it on instagranny for all to see !
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[via mashable, thanks Bear!]

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