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!! OMG, how unhelpful: Beyonce and Kelly !!


Poor Michelle Williams fell during a Destiny’s Child performance back in the day and you would never know that her two bandmates were on stage with her for all the help they offered. Beyonce seemed actually amused by it. (Thanks Corey!)

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!! OMG, Criminal Minds: Oklahoma women store shoplifted goods in fat rolls. !!

 
We all know that buying presents for family and loved ones during the holiday season can put a real strain on anyone’s wallet. And with my budget already heavily taxed by my prodigious consumption of alcohol, cigarettes and fast food, I’ve found that shoplifting is a great way to make ends meet and be sure that everyone on Santa’s list gets what he or she deserves.
Unfortunately, unlike Ailene Brown and Shmeco Thomas, two Oklahoma shoplifters, I’m at a disadvantage when it comes to theft. That’s because I’m just too skinny and beautiful! (The cigarettes balance out the fast food and keep my figure nice and svelte, duh.)
Ms. Ailene and Shmeco were recently apprehended at a TJ Maxx in Edmond, Oklahoma trying to waddle out of the store with $2,600 dollars of merchandise hidden in their boobs and fat rolls. I didn’t even know that TJ Maxx had $2,600 worth of merchandise in the entire store, but I guess that shows how little I know!
The womens’ ill-gotten and iller-concealed gains included four pair of boots, three pair of jeans, a wallet and gloves. I sure hope the store detective used his own gloves when extracting the loot from these rodeo queens’ dank crevices!
[Orlando Sentinel via Gawker]

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!! OMG, Thank God It’s Over: The A-List !!

Well, um, that was fun.
If you watched the previews for last night’s finale of The A-List— the Logo channel’s answer to Battlestar Galactica except with malfunctioning gay androids instead of Cylons– you know that we loyal viewers were breathlessly promised that ALL WOULD FINALLY BE REVEALED in this week’s ultimate episode.
And they were not lying either! That is, if by “ALL” they meant “the contents of the cast’s empty heads.” (I swear to God the inside of Reichen Lemkuhl’s brain must look like a cleared out storage unit with nothing but a few dust-bunnies and a torn, crumpled up page from the back of NEXT magazine to prove that anyone was ever there at all.)
Look, my standards for reality television are not at all high! I can sit happily in front of Millionaire Matchmaker for hours without complaining at all. (Well, maybe a little, but that’s the fun.)
But as an avid watcher of basically any housewife that Bravo puts in front of my adoring face, I am sad to say that the gays, given their own reality show, have disappointed us all. These queens make the Real Housewives of New York City look like regulars at the f*cking Algonquin Round Table. Big red overgrown sex baby Reichen Lemkuhl, the show’s self-professed “singer” (who is open and unapologetic about the incontrovertible fact that he sucks at singing?) makes Kim “Tardy to the Party” Zolciak look like Dusty Springfield.
This show was filled with some of the most vapid, preening vipers that reality television has ever seen. Which is saying a lot! And other than Rodiney, Reichen’s Brazilian boyfriend whose lack of conversational English may or may not belie an personality, they were also pretty much all butt-ugly, too. (Mike Ruiz, the show’s one other semi-respectable/attractive castmember was barely featured, probably because he was so embarrassed by the whole thing that he ran in the other direction whenever he saw the cameras coming.)
Dear Logo channel executives: I’m not saying that teevee for gays has to be Masterpiece Theater or anything, because I don’t even watch that! I’m just saying that if you’re going to give us trash, at least make it as entertaining as the trash available to straight people. Don’t we at least deserve our own Ramona and Luann?
It’s not asking a lot.

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