The first time a man reached down my pants was at a Beastie Boys concert in 1997. It was an outdoor festival and I was in the mosh pit excitedly pressed up against the railing for five uncomfortable hours. By the time the Beasties took the stage (they opened with “Sure Shot”), night had fallen and I was nearly done. All my friends had bailed and I was alone, soaking wet, clad in a too-skinny black-and-white camo shirt and flared jeans and drowning in a cesspit of gravel dust and fat guy ass sweat.
The Beastie Boys instructed the crowd to part to make room for a runway dance-off and the crowd shifted. Some dude near me started taking a wiz and so I signaled to the hot musclehead security guard I had been secretly ogling the entire time that I needed out. He grabbed me by the hand and pulled me up, but I lost my balance and so he reached his other (gloved) hand down the back of my pants, grabbed me by the balls and lifted me up over his head like the championship weightlifter that I imagined he was.
If you are a US resident, you too could feel like a champion by entering our Beastie Boys contest! The prize is the remastered reissue of The Beastie Boys’ 1994 album Ill Communication. You will get a double vinyl of the reissue featuring the deluxe remastered album (20 tracks total) plus the remastered double CD set, which includes 12 bonus tracks and rarities (32 tracks total). Pretty effin’ sweet!
Email your full name and the answer to this question to contest(at)omgblog(dot)com: What Ill Communication-era Beastie Boys song was on the Clueless soundtrack?
Once again, the contest is for US residents only. GOOD LUCK!