For years, I’ve been on a quest for an elaborate motorized sex-machine that can double as a kitchen appliance. Duh! Who hasn’t? Cause then if your mom comes over and is like, “what’s that elaborate sex-machine looking thing over there?” you can just be like, “Oh, no worries– it’s just an egg-beater! Let’s make a cake!” No fuss, no muss, and no embarrassment!
Well finally the Japanese have come through for me (again!) with the SOM. Available in both a men’s and “lady’s” configuration, the Som allows you to jack/jill-off totally hands free. That means you can get your rocks off while you’re grouting your shower, having dinner, or even conducting surgery. Then all you do is wipe it down a little and use it to whip up something tasty.
It makes a great gift for double amputees and those with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and it’s extra-great for men whose penis is the size of a ten-year-old’s thumb because that seems to be as big as it comes.
A million thanks to de Cosmos for cluing me in to this great contraption. Get it here!