Oh hey! Have you been following this whole Eric Massa scandal? The former Democratic congressman (he resigned on the 5th) is caught up in a whole web of scandal based on (obviously true!) allegations of his totally crazy gay antics. The latest is today’s breaking news from Politico that
The House ethics committee has received allegations that former Rep. Eric Massa groped at least three male staffers and conducted himself improperly with interns as well as full-time aides, a source familiar with the matter tells POLITICO.
I’m starting to wonder what kind of parents would send their virginal little
boys bois off to be congressional interns. Shit, at least when you sent your kids to Michael Jackson’s house for a sleepover, he’d give you a Rolex or whatever as a bribe. But now Mr. Jackson is dead, the Neverland Ranch is all boarded up, and the House of Representatives is starting to look like America’s molestiest house! (Not to worry– with news of the Pope’s gay hooker ring, the Vatican still holds the international title.)
BUT ANYWAY, obviously the absolute best part of the whole Massa scandal are the former congressman’s bizarre (and erotic!!!) counter-allegations, which involve a sexy, nude locker room showdown with Obama Chief-of-Staff and white-haired sex-machine Rahm Emanuel:
“Let me tell you a story about Rahm Emanuel,” Massa started. “I was a congressman in my first eight weeks, and I was in the congressional gym, and I went down and I worked out and I went into the showers…I’m sitting there showering, naked as a jaybird and here comes Rahm Emanuel not even with a towel wrapped around his tush, poking his finger in my chest, yelling at me because I wasn’t going to vote for the president’s budget. Do you know how awkward it is to have a political argument with a naked man?
“By the way, what the heck is he doing in the Congressional gym,” Massa continued. “He goes there to intimidate members of Congress…He’s hated me since day one, and now he wins.”