!! OMG, The Verdict is In: Whoopi Clears Mel Gibson of Racism Charges !!
It used to be that white people like me had an easy out from all accusations of racism. Just make one black friend and you're home free no matter what horrible and seemingly-bigoted acts you might perpetrate against any minority.
"Oh, I own an entire plantation of slaves? Whatever! You think I'm racist because I just told Rosa Parks to get to the back of the bus? Who cares! Because guess what, I have a black friend!"
Most whites in my social circle kept around at least one black pal for this express purpose. (True story: my token black friend was the Pine-Sol Lady!!!)
While the Black Friend Defense has been waning in its effectiveness in recent years a special loophole has just been introduced to benefit rich white celebrities: the Whoopi Goldberg Defense. By decree of Ms. Goldberg herself, it is impossible for anyone she's personally friends with to be racist!
As Whoopi informed us on The View earlier today, Mel Gibson may have told his erstwhile girlfriend that it was her fault if she got raped by a pack of you-know-whats*, but it's okay because as a fellow famous person, Mr. Gibson has met Whoopi, and is therefore totally in the clear.
No racism to see here, folks! Just go about your business!
*[The word only rappers can say]
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