America’s pint-sized orange sweetheart is writing a book! That’s right: Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi– who revealed in a New York Times profile earlier this summer that she’s only read two books in her life– has just done a deal with Simon and Schuster to write a novel. While she claims she’s been working on it for “some time,” my guess is that “some time” means the two seconds it took her to sign the contract. My guess is that not only will Snooki not write this book, she won’t even ever have to read it. That’s what ghostwriters are for, obvs. The book is being titled Shore Thing (haha, get it?!) and it’s scheduled to hit the shelves at your local desktop calendar/greeting card store in January.