‘Pad’ Gardner is looking to do a walk across America to raise awareness of Toxic Shock Syndrome from tampon usage, which is great cos now I know what that is and will stop using them in my back bum to mop up my anal leakages.
‘Pad”s 2013 resolutions were firstly to get his name legally changed to ‘Pad’ , to set a world record for having the largest pad collection, and lastly to become a disposable feminine pad [preferably Kotex as they are his favourite colour pink].
Since the age of 10 Gardner has been an otherkin [having a desire to become a non-human object] and his goal has been to spend eight hours sopping up lady-gunk as a jam rag and discarded into the garbage where he will experience ecstasy at having fulfilled his life purpose:
“I am planning to donate myself and all the pads in the collection to women in need of pads once I have become a pad finally,”
We wish him all the luck in the world, and we hope he doesn’t accidentally get stuck to anyone’s shoe whilst crossing the continent!
[via dailydot, thanks Bear!]