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!! OMG, How Rah Sha Sha: Teabaggers !!


I’m not going to say anything mean about the very festive and patriotic Real Americans known as Teabaggers. Who knows what they’re even talking about? I just <3 <3 <3 their outfits! Not only are they eye-catching, they’re fashion forward. After all, now that Details mag has approved the denim-on-denim look, could full body Stars ‘n Stripes ensembles be far behind!? Fashion designers (aka Fake Americans/foreign devils to those keeping track!) take note!
(The famous and NSFW-ish teabagging scene from Pecker is after the jump.)

[[ OMG, there’s more: JUMP IN to read the rest ]]

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!! OMG, the John Edwards sex tape saga continues !!

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Dear Readers,
F*ck you for not sending me the John Edwards sex tape like I asked! After all I’ve done for you over the past few months, I would have expected that at least one loyal reader with access to the tape could have leaked it to me. What good are you anyway?
Well, I’m sorry to say that the crackerjack reporters at The Daily Beast obviously have better sources than I do. Although the tape still hasn’t leaked, they’ve talked to people who have seen it, and are providing the following Nancy Friday version of events for interested parties:

The Daily Beast can now describe the video in detail, based on accounts from multiple people who have viewed it. One source who has a medical background and has worked with pregnant patients says Hunter appears four or five months pregnant based on the swollen state of her belly and nipples. This would would place the tape’s filming somewhere around September or October of 2007, smack in the middle of Edwards campaign for the presidency.
On the video, both participants are naked. Hunter is propped up against the hotel bed headboard, with John Edwards belly-down on the bed between her legs. As Hunter, the campaign’s official videographer, holds the camera, a smiling Edwards performs oral sex. Because of the camera angle, Hunter’s face is not visible, but her distinctive jewelry is. Not only does candidate Edwards know he’s being filmed, one source says, he’s also clowning around and “graphically performing for the camera.”

Well, well, well! There’s nothing I like more than a graphic performance! Unfortunately, until someone mans up and sends me the tape I guess we’ll just have to settle for this totally fake naked picture of Senator Edwards from a few months back. (NSFW)
[The Daily Beast]

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!! OMG, Eric Massa Can’t Keep His Hands to Himself !!

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Oh hey! Have you been following this whole Eric Massa scandal? The former Democratic congressman (he resigned on the 5th) is caught up in a whole web of scandal based on (obviously true!) allegations of his totally crazy gay antics. The latest is today’s breaking news from Politico that

The House ethics committee has received allegations that former Rep. Eric Massa groped at least three male staffers and conducted himself improperly with interns as well as full-time aides, a source familiar with the matter tells POLITICO.

I’m starting to wonder what kind of parents would send their virginal little boys bois off to be congressional interns. Shit, at least when you sent your kids to Michael Jackson’s house for a sleepover, he’d give you a Rolex or whatever as a bribe. But now Mr. Jackson is dead, the Neverland Ranch is all boarded up, and the House of Representatives is starting to look like America’s molestiest house! (Not to worry– with news of the Pope’s gay hooker ring, the Vatican still holds the international title.)
BUT ANYWAY, obviously the absolute best part of the whole Massa scandal are the former congressman’s bizarre (and erotic!!!) counter-allegations, which involve a sexy, nude locker room showdown with Obama Chief-of-Staff and white-haired sex-machine Rahm Emanuel:

“Let me tell you a story about Rahm Emanuel,” Massa started. “I was a congressman in my first eight weeks, and I was in the congressional gym, and I went down and I worked out and I went into the showers…I’m sitting there showering, naked as a jaybird and here comes Rahm Emanuel not even with a towel wrapped around his tush, poking his finger in my chest, yelling at me because I wasn’t going to vote for the president’s budget. Do you know how awkward it is to have a political argument with a naked man?

“By the way, what the heck is he doing in the Congressional gym,” Massa continued. “He goes there to intimidate members of Congress…He’s hated me since day one, and now he wins.”

Hmm! I wonder what could possibly be so intimidating about a naked Rahm Emanuel!?
AND WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT? I cannot wait to find out!
[Politico]
[Huffington Post]

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!! OMG, He’s Gay: Anti-Gay State Politician Roy Ashburn !!

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Who would ever dream that an anti-gay state senator would turn out to be a drunk and corpulent homosexual?
Oh actually everyone would guess that! Because it seems to be what happens every time!

SACRAMENTO (CBS13) ― Sources tell CBS13 a state senator from Southern California was arrested for allegedly driving drunk after leaving Faces, a gay nightclub in midtown Sacramento, early Wednesday morning.
The California Highway Patrol pulled over Senator Roy Ashburn at 2:00 a.m. Wednesday after an officer noticed a black Chevy Tahoe swerving at 13th and L Streets.
Ashburn, a father of four, is a Republican Senator representing parts of Kern, Tulare and San Bernardino Counties with a history of opposing gay rights
When the officer stopped the state-issued vehicle, the driver identified himself as Senator Ashburn. He was arrested without incident and charged with two misdemeanors: driving under the influence and driving with a blood alcohol level higher than .08% or higher.

(CBS 13 via The Awl)

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