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!! OMG, hitting rock bottom: Gay-for-pay adult gay film star Johnny Rapid arrested for beating his girlfriend outside of a bowling alley !!

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Over 80-time power bottom, gay-4-pay adult film star, Johnny Rapid, was arrested this week after he choked his girlfriend and knocked her to the ground outside of a Georgia bowling alley after she refused to coax a 14 year old Asian female they met there to join them for sex. (WOWZA. There was just wayyy too much class in that sentence to handle!)
The couple then left the bowling alley together but began arguing in the car. Rapid stopped the car and started hitting his girlfriend again. Once home, Rapid asked his mother for a gun (UM, WUT!?) before leaving the house as his girlfriend called the cops on him.
Johnny’s girlfriend had red marks on her lips, swollen eyes, broken fingernail, blood on her right ear lobe where her earring had been torn out. She also suffered pain from a lump found behind her right ear. She attempted to retract her statement and asked the officer to forget everything because she ‘made them up’, leading them to believe that Rapid called and threatened her. Johnny was arrested charged with assault based on his girlfriend’s visible injuries.
He recently made headlines with MEN.com when he released a video offering Justin Bieber $2 Million dollars in exchange for having sex with him on film. Unfortunately, God has different plans for Johnny, and it looks as if a bunch of Georgia inmates have had their prayers answered… Don’t drop the soap!
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!! OMG, looking for love in all the wrong places: The ‘Bitch Got Stuck In A Chimney’ Edition !!

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No, that’s not Lady Gaga and her two back-up dancers — it’s Miss Genoveva Nunez-Figueroa of Southern California, who is rewiring my brain to reconsider the imagery it would conjure up when it thinks of the words “HO HO HO” and “coming down the chimney”.
Genoveva (well excuse us with that name) had to be rescued from a chimney after getting stuck at the home of some dude she had reportedly met online. By 5:45 am, police responded to a report of a woman crying in the area. Gen was crying because she was stuck in the gottdamn chimney!
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Apparently, (according to the dude that lived there) this was Gen‘s SECOND attempt at entry and they maybe could have had some sort of a previous relationship too… Love hurts! Well… at least Gen got to keep this lil souvenir of glamour:
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[via global]

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!! OMG, baby baby baby OM: YogaBiebs Offers Yoga Set To Justin Bieber !!

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Namaste! This ad for a yoga class set to the “sweet vocals and hip beats” of Justin Bieber just popped up in Toronto’s west end, and it is just all sorts of YAS PLAYZE! Whoever the genius entrepreneur behind this is, they’re gonna be filthy rich.
Also, sending positive intention and chill vibes to Justin today after he was charged in Toronto with assaulting his limo driver and throwing a first-degree baby tantrum. Xanax comedowns can be so brutal sometimes!

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!! OMG, presenting Cuba’s newest jailhouse bottom b*tch: Russian Gay-Basher Arrested in Cuba !!

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You may have heard of Maxim “The Cleaver” Martsinkevich, a Russian fascist who filmed himself torturing gays on webcam (including this former Ukrainian X-factor contestant), then uploaded the videos to the internet. Well, dude fled to Cuba and it looks like they’re not taking any of his shit, because according to The Bilerico Project:

Russia was informed by Cuban police of the arrest of Maxim Martsinkevich through Interpol, the Russian Interior Ministry said in a statement.
More widely known under his nickname of Tesak, or machete, Martsinkevich was arrested in absentia by a Russian court last month on extremism charges. Martsinkevich said during a January 8 interview that the criminal charges against him were orchestrated by Russia’s “pedo-lobby,” and that he did not intend to return to Russia, according to Russian tabloid Life News that has close links to the security services.
The details of Martsinkevich’s extradition were currently being finalized, Russia’s Investigative Committee said in a statement Saturday.
In a January 9 post on his website, Martsinkevich wrote that he had flown to Cuba from the Ukrainian capital of Kiev, via the German city of Frankfurt. In 2011, Martsinkevich founded the Occupy Pedophile vigilante group, which lured men to abusive meetings with false promises of sex with minors. The encounters were recorded and then posted online.
The group was also reported to target gay men, who were subjected to similar abusive treatment.

Quick tip: If you flee somewhere — don’t do a video post about the whereabouts of where you’re headed! I know, I KNOW! — it seems like an obvious thing to avoid — but you’d be surprised how stupid some people are! Also, it looks as if Russia has charged Maxim for his neo-Nazi/skinhead extremism, but not for his documented acts of violence against LGBT people, so…

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!! OMG, white on white, translucent glass pipes: Bauhaus’ Peter Murphy pleads guilty to meth posession in hit-and-run, faces 3 years probation !!

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“Bela Lugosi’s Dead” and “Stigmata Martyr” are totes our jams round this time of year, and it makes us sad to think that former Bauhaus frontman, Peter Murphy has been “f*ckin’ with that Tina,” so-to-speak!
Murphy was caught after a hit-and-run on Saturday in Glendale, Calif. when he hit a Mercedes in his car and then fled the scene. When the cops finally caught him he either had props from a Breaking Bad set sale, or he had meth pipes on his person for real. After a hearing on Monday, he was sentenced to 3 years probation.
You know, Peter really should have known better! He should have followed Sky Ferreira‘s golden rules for getting arrested which are:

  1. Don’t flee the scene
  2. Opt for a designer substance
  3. Only rub on Saint Laurent models
  4. Pout at all times

Are you bummed that Peter won’t be joining Bauhaus on tour next month when they celebrate the 35th anniversary of the band? Will you be lighting a candle for Peter this Halloween?
[via slicingupeyeballs]

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